Taking Chances
by darkclocks
Summary: Sequel to "Missing." AO has a history of dating, but are trying again after re-connecting over a case. M rating for possible later chapters. Aside from them dating, everything else is canon (pre- Sunk Cost Fallacy because we haven't seen it yet and I wrote missing before the previews).
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: A sequel to "Missing." They have a history of dating, but have recently re-connected._

 _A note: Based on "Ghost," when Alex's NYPD photo ID came up on the screen in her "unsolved homicide," she was born May 31, 1968. I know often her and Olivia are written with a few years difference between them (because of the actresses ages), but that's where I'm basing ages on. Liv's birthdate has never been revealed, but M has mentioned she believed to have been born around 1968, so I'm going with early 1968._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 1**

 _Knock. Knock._

"Ms. Cabot?"

Alex was nervously clicking her pen on her desk, head buried in her work and entirely unaware of her assistant that had been standing at her door for at least a minute.

"Oh, Mark, yes," Alex said. "I'm sorry. I didn't see you there."

The young assistant smiled and bashfully put his hands in his pockets. He was relatively new on the job, and Alex still hadn't gotten him comfortable with just using her first name, despite telling him several times it was OK.

"You...um, you said to remind you about the Reynolds' report this afternoon," Mark said. "Did you still want me to take that to the District Attorney?"

"Oh, yes, I completely forgot. Thank you," Alex said, reaching around at the scattered papers on her desk. "I got completely lost in the time." She found the file and handed it to the young man as he approached her desk.

"You also told me to remind you to leave by 5 p.m. today," he said. "I know it's only 4:30, but just giving you a heads up."

Alex looked at her right wrist and saw he was right. She couldn't believe where the time had gone.

"If you don't mind me saying...unless there is something you need to do, I can take care of getting this to the DA and the other report sent off," he said. "You know, if you wanted to leave early... I mean, I don't know your schedule, I just...I know you've worked a lot this week."

Alex smiled. She knew what he was doing. She had been a ball of nerves all week and had worked long nights. Of course, he didn't know why, but she appreciated he was starting to pick up on some of her subtle clues that she wasn't even aware she was giving off.

"You know, Mark, that's probably a good idea," she said. "Thank you for reminding me. I would have probably sat here another hour or so."

"You're welcome," he said, looking down. "I'll just get this report over to the DA."

He quickly left, shutting the door behind him.

Alex looked at her watch again. She may as well leave now, she thought. She surely hadn't gotten any work done in the last hour anyway, as she was still reading the same page of the brief she was one 15 minutes ago.

She closed up her files, put them away and grabbed her jacket and bag, heading out of the office and praying traffic wasn't terrible on this Friday night. She wanted as much time as she could get to prepare for her date with Olivia - their first date, at least this time around.

The pair decided they would go to Tavern on the Green for dinner - something nice, but not super fancy. Alex hoped afterward they could take a stroll in Central Park.

The attorney got dressed, trying not to overdo it, as much as she wanted things to be perfect this time with Olivia. But she still wanted to blow Olivia away and didn't want to leave anything to chance this time around.

Olivia promised to pick her up at 7 p.m. for their dinner reservation. It had been a couple of weeks since their talk; it took that long for them to make sure to find an uninterrupted night. Of course, with their schedules, 'uninterrupted' was always contingent on the criminals of Manhattan.

At promptly 7 p.m., as Alex was changing earrings for the third time, she heard a knock on the door. She rushed to the door, earring still in hand as she struggled to get the clasp on. When she reached for the door handle, she gave up and put the earring in her other hand.

"Hi," Alex said, smiling as she opened the door. She immediately wanted to kick herself for her greet. _Hi? That's all you could manage to get out?_ Alex thought to herself.

Olivia's smile melted Alex's heart just like the first time they had a date all those years ago.

"Hi," Olivia said, then handed Alex a bouquet of wildflowers and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You look...wow, Alex."

Alex blushed. "Thank you, Liv. And I don't know if you've looked in a mirror, but you look beautiful, too, as usual," she said then turned around and looked for a vase to put the flowers into.

Olivia smiled and stepped into Alex's apartment, closing the door behind her.

"I'll be ready as soon as I get this earring in," Alex said, getting back to what she was doing before Olivia arrived.

"Can I help?" Olivia said, smirking as she watched Alex struggle and taking a step toward the blonde.

"Sure," Alex said. "I don't' know what it is about this pair but..."

"I remember," Olivia said, recognizing the earrings from when they dated before. "The clasp on these are oddly shaped." Olivia walked over and took the clasp from Alex's hand, who held the earring in her ear until she felt Olivia's hands there.

When Olivia's hands made contact with Alex's ear, and she felt how close the brunette was, she felt an old familiar tingle go through her body - a feeling she wasn't expecting just yet.

"There you go," Olivia said as she finished and stepped back. Alex noticed her date was also flushed a little from the encounter.

"My hero," Alex said, giving Olivia a wink. "Let me just grab my purse and we can go."

#

After a wonderful dinner and wine, the two exited the restaurant.

"Should I get us a cab or call a Lyft?" Olivia asked.

"Actually, unless you need to get home to Noah, I thought we could go for a walk in the park," Alex suggested. "I know it's kind of late, but I figure you can protect us, right?"

"That's a great idea," Olivia said and extended her elbow. Alex took Liv's arm as they began walking.

After a few minutes of walking in silence and enjoying the warm spring night, they stopped to watch a young couple in the middle of a proposal.

"To be young and in love," Alex said.

"Can you imagine love being that easy?" Olivia laughed.

"Oh, I'm sure they have no idea about the rough road ahead of them," Alex said. "But isn't it nice that they don't seem to care?"

"Yes, youthful innocence is sometimes a good thing," Olivia said. "I wish I had more of that sometimes. I see it in Noah so often and I have to catch myself to not spoil his moment with the hard realities of life."

They decided moved on from watching the young couple, wanting to give them some privacy, and took a seat on a park bench.

"I guess seeing those realities is something that goes along with our line of work," Alex said. "I mean, even as a young college student studying law, I felt like I read about or heard about things that were beyond what most people my age cared about. Of course, I guess having a family full of attorneys didn't help either."

"Yeah, being a rookie cop was an eye-opener for me, but even still, dealing with my mom, I was much better prepared than a lot of my classmates in academy," Olivia said. "But whatever little innocence I had left was gone after my first year on the job."

"Do you ever wish we would have had that?" Alex said abruptly after a few moments of silence.

"Had what?" Olivia said.

"A little more of that youthful innocence," Alex said. "Less baggage. Just being able to go into life and relationships with little more than hope."

"Well, I guess I've never thought about it," Olivia said. "My life...and I guess yours for that matter...has been anything but easy," she paused to think about her answer, "I guess I would like to have had some of that. If I could do a few things over, take a few more chances, without the worry and knowledge that comes with all of this...I don't know, life would maybe be a little different."

Alex nodded. "I agree. I mean, I can't complain about the way life turned out, but...I wish I had taken more chances in life."

"We still can," Olivia said. "I mean, we're just 50, so it's not like we're on death's door or anything."

"50? I'm still 49 for another...few days," Alex said. "Don't try to lump me in with you." Alex smiled and nudged Olivia. Olivia was a few months older than her, but it was something Alex always reminded her of, being just a few months older.

"That's right!" Olivia said. "Alex, 50 is a big one. What are you doing to celebrate?"

"Oh, no, no, no," Alex said. "I planned to stay home and pretend it wasn't happening."

"Not a chance," Olivia said. "Alex, we have to celebrate."

"I don't know," Alex said. "I'm not really much on birthdays."

"I know, but this isn't just any birthday," Olivia said. "Look, at least let me and Noah celebrate with you."

"Wooing me with your kid?" Alex teased. "You use that one a lot?"

Olivia laughed. "No, but I really would like to plan something for you."

"Will there be ice cream?" Alex said, raising her eyebrows.

"Anything you want," Olivia said.

"Ok, fine," Alex said. "But just you and Noah. I don't need everyone to know I'm 50."

"Noah isn't the best secret keeper, but I won't tell a soul," Olivia joked. She looked at her watch, realizing it was getting late. "I guess we should get going."

After a short cab ride back to Alex's apartment, Olivia insisted on walking Alex up to her door in the building.

"I had a nice time, Alex," Olivia said. "And I'm looking forward to your birthday party, but aside from that, I'd like for us to do this...again."

"You mean, a date?" Alex said.

Olivia blushed. "Yes, a date."

"I'd like that, too," Alex said.

Both women kind of shuffled a moment, nervous about what was next. It's not like kissing was anything new for them. They had even shared a kiss a few weeks prior, after their talk. But something about this was different. This was them actually taking steps to move forward - again.

Alex was nervous. She could tell Olivia was, too. Olivia looked down. She took Alex's hands and stepped closer. Alex watched closely and her blue eyes met Olivia's when she finally looked back up. She smiled and Olivia leaned forward and kissed her.

"Wow," Alex said. "That doesn't get any less magical."

"Flattery will get you everywhere," Olivia said laughing.

"Will it convince you to come inside?" Alex said. Olivia had told her earlier in the night that Lucy would be staying the night regardless of what time she got home, and encouraged her to stay out as long as she wanted.

"Oh...I...I mean...don't you think maybe it's a little soon?" Olivia said, stuttering and nervous again.

"Maybe, but I'm just inviting you inside, Liv," Alex said. "Nothing more. And remember what we talked about earlier?"

Olivia gave her a confused look, trying to figure out what she meant. They had talked about a lot that night.

"You know, about youthful innocence and taking chances, even though, as mature, responsible adults, we know it's maybe 'too soon,'" Alex explained.

Olivia pondered her proposal, giving her a smirk.

"No pressure," Alex continued. "I know we, unfortunately, have eyes-wide-open going into this, but sometimes, maybe we should just take chances and put our caution and hesitations and hurts aside."

Olivia finally smiled and squeezed Alex's hand. "To taking chances."

Alex unlocked the door, took Olivia's hand again and led her into her apartment. They were taking a chance, and both hopeful, this time, was the time they allowed their past, and their hurts, to be put aside for a future together.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Alex celebrates her birthday. Feeling this one out while I debate a direction to take. Oh, and if you haven't noticed, I'm doing something slightly different. I typically write from the Olivia POV (or a mix). I'm trying to stay in the Alex POV primarily, though I'm sure it'll be a hybrid at times. I can't think of another story where I've told the story primarily from Alex's POV. Wanted to try something different._

 _Tomorrow night is the Alex episode, I wouldn't expect a new chapter before then (or tomorrow night after)._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 2**

It was early Thursday after and Alex's birthday. She had made plans with Olivia and Noah for Saturday since neither of their schedules was going to allow them to get too much time away that evening.

Olivia had offered to bring lunch by, but it was Alex's such luck that a long-winded defense attorney caused court to go long, which set the rest of her day behind.

When she returned to her desk, she found a bundle of flowers on her desk and Mark came in right after she did with a vase full of water.

"I was just trying to get these in water for you," he said. "I don't know much about flowers, but I know water is good."

Alex chuckled and took the vase from it. "Thank you, I'll take care of it," she said. "Where did they come from?"

"Oh, there is a card with it," he said, reaching on the desk where he'd sit the card earlier with 'Happy Birthday Alex' on it. "Some guy from downstairs just brought them up."

"A delivery guy?" Alex asked.

"No, one of the security officers downstairs said someone asked him to bring them to you," Mark said. "He didn't tell me who, just gave me this card."

"Hmm," Alex said, though she had her suspicions of who had sent them after seeing the handwriting on the card. "Well, thank you for taking care of it."

"You're welcome," Mark said. "Oh, and Happy Birthday, Ms. Cabot. I didn't know or I'd have..."

"You didn't need to do anything," Alex said cutting him off. "I'd be perfectly happy to forget it myself. And please...call me Alex."

Mark smiled bashfully and nodded, Alex knowing he still probably wouldn't use her first name. He left her office and she sat at her desk, sliding a finger into the envelope.

 _Alex,_

 _I'm sorry we couldn't celebrate today, but I just wanted to wish you a proper Happy Birthday on the actual day. You only turn 29 once...or in our case...lots of times! Noah and I are looking forward to seeing you Saturday._

 _Liv_

 _P.S. I started to drop this off to you before realizing people seeing me dropping flowers off at your desk may prompt some questions...if not about us, then about your birthday. Hopefully, Officer Jones downstairs gets these to you._

Alex smiled and put the card back in the envelope. They hadn't really talked about the implications of their relationship yet, though it was always something they had to address every time they tried dating. It was one of the realities of their jobs that Alex sometimes wished didn't exist.

But she also knew it was probably for the best. They'd been down this road before, tried dating before, and even though Alex was convinced things were different this time, it was still early in their relationship.

Sure, she'd invited Olivia in the other night, but they spent most of the evening drinking wine, talking, laughing and listening to music. They kissed and spent time reconnecting physically, but neither of them seemed to be in a hurry for sex just yet, even if it came naturally for them. They decided to wait and both felt good about that decision.

Alex pulled out her phone and sent a text to Olivia.

 _Thank you for the beautiful flowers, Liv. You're going to spoil me! Looking forward to seeing you and Noah Saturday to celebrate my 29th birthday - haha!_

#

Saturday morning brought pouring rain to Manhattan. All the plans Alex had with Noah and Olivia were rained out, but they insisted Alex come over and they would still throw her a great party.

Alex braved the rain just before noon and made her way up to Olivia's apartment and while she was putting her umbrella away before knocking on the door, she could hear Noah and Olivia talking on the other side of the door.

"Mommy, we forgot this sign!" Noah's small muffled voice was heard.

"Oh, hand it to me," Olivia said. "Alex will be here soon."

Alex smiled as she heard the shuffling inside the apartment. She waited until it was quiet again until she knocked.

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

"Mommy! Hide!" Noah was heard again.

"I have to open the door, you hide," Olivia said before shushing him.

A few moments went by and Olivia opened the door for Alex, who greeted the brunette with a smirking saying she heard everything.

"Alex, how nice to see you," Olivia said loudly for Noah's benefit. "Come on in."

Alex took a few steps inside and then Noah jumped out from under the breakfast bar.

"Surprise!" he said. "Happy Birthday!"

Alex put her hand on her chest and widened her eyes, making sure she looked good and surprised by Noah's announcement.

"Thank you, Noah," Alex said, giving the small boy a hug. She looked around the apartment and saw balloons and banners. "Fabulous at 50?" She glanced at Olivia.

"It sounded better than Nifty 50," Olivia said. "And...you are fabulous." She leaned over and gave Alex a kiss on the cheek while Noah was distracted by the balloons.

Alex gave her a playful eye roll as she hung up her raincoat and put her purse and umbrella way. "So, what do we have planned for today?"

"I know how much you love brunch, I was just about to finish whipping up some omelets, bacon is about to come out of the oven and I have orange juice for Noah and um, special orange juice for us," Olivia said.

"Oooh, birthday mimosas?" Alex said.

"You bet," Olivia said. "After that, Noah has picked out some games for us to play," she gave a playful cringe to Alex, "and there will definitely be cake and ice cream. Homemade cake."

"Wow, you outdid yourself," Alex said.

"You haven't tried the cake yet. Noah helped, so we'll see how it turned out," Olivia said. "He helped decorate it, too."

"I can't wait," Alex said.

"Alex, can I show you my balloon game?" Noah said handing a helium balloon to Alex. "It's like basketball."

"Oh, that sounds fun," Alex said. She winked at Olivia and went off with Noah to the living room to play 'basketball.'

#

After brunch, several games of pin the tail on the donkey, a pinata and more balloon basketball, and lots of cake and ice cream, Noah was tuckered out - and so were Alex and Olivia.

"He is worn out," Olivia said, after carrying Noah to the bedroom for a nap. He had fallen asleep on the couch. "But, he'll be up and probably full of energy again soon enough."

"I'm worn out, too," Alex said. "I may also need a nap."

"You're welcome to take one," Olivia said. "I mean, you are over the hill now." She smirked at Alex, who threw a napkin from her cake plate across the kitchen at her.

"And you are?"

"Oh, I've been over the hill," Olivia said. "I can accept that."

"Actually, I don't know how you have the energy you do between SVU and Noah," Alex said.

"Well, I have a lot of help," Olivia said. "Lucy is a godsend and Noah and I don't usually go like this every weekend...only special weekends."

Alex got up and wandered around to the kitchen where Olivia was. "Why don't you let me clean up this and you rest? You've already done so much today."

"Not a chance," Olivia said. "This is your day...and only the first half. Noah and I promised you a full day of activities, so I thought later, we could have a nice dinner and watch a movie."

"By movie, do you mean cartoons?" Alex said.

"Nope," Olivia shook her head. "Noah and I have a deal that we do his stuff part of the day and mine the rest. So when I want to watch tv or read, he puts his headphones on and watches videos on the table, so we still get to snuggle on the couch together, but I get to watch something besides animated characters from time to time."

"Oh, that sounds good. What did you have in mind?" Alex asked.

"When Harry Met Sally?" Olivia offered.

"Aw, you remembered," Alex said. It was one of her favorite movies, and usually made the blonde teary-eyed.

Olivia gave Alex a cocked-headed smile. "Of course. So, why don't you take a nap if you want and let me finish up in here?" she said. "My bed has fresh sheets on it if you want to lay down."

"Are you going to take a nap at any point?" Alex said casually, not wanting to seem like she was coming on to Olivia - she wasn't.

"If Noah is still asleep when I'm done...I could use a nap, yes," Olivia said.

"Well, um, if you need to kick me out of bed...feel free," Alex said, a little embarrassed.

"Ha! As if anyone has ever kicked Alex Cabot out of bed," Olivia laughed.

"Oh really? Because I seem to recall a time when..." Alex started while laughing and Olivia shushed her.

"Yeah, let's not talk about that," Olivia said. "Now, go nap like every good 50-year-old deserves."

"You're not going to let that die, are you?" Alex said, rolling her eyes.

"Probably not today, at least," Olivia said. "But next time I throw out my back, you can get your revenge."

#

Alex was drifting between sleep and awake when she felt Olivia crawl onto the bed next to her. She smiled because she was hoping the brunette would nap with her and not on the couch. Alex laid there until she felt an arm draped over her back, then she rolled on her side to face Olivia and moved closer.

"Thank you for everything today, Liv," Alex said. "You've given me a 50th birthday to remember."

"I'm sure most people our age don't celebrate their birthdays by playing pin the tail on the donkey," Olivia said laughing.

"It was perfect," Alex said. "It reminded me this age is just a number."

Olivia moved her hand up to Alex's head, pushing her hair back behind her ears. "It is and I meant it when I said you looked fabulous for 50. You're as beautiful today as when we met all those years ago."

"Well, I know I have more wrinkles and lines, but I definitely have better hair," Alex said.

Olivia smiled and pulled Alex in closer. Both women closed their eyes for a short nap before Noah woke up ready to go again.

#

"Mommy."

Alex woke up to hear Noah calling for Olivia in a quiet voice next to the bed. She briefly wondered what he was thinking, the two of them cuddled up together.

Olivia stirred and opened her eyes. "Yes, Noah? What's wrong?"

"I don't feel good," Noah said, holding his stomach.

"Oh, sweet boy, did you eat too much cake and ice cream earlier?" Olivia said.

Noah shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. Of course, Olivia wondered if he hadn't overdone it.

"Come here, let me feel of you," she said, putting a hand to his forehead then feeling this palms. "You feel a little warm and clammy, but I don't think you have a fever. Is your belly hurting? Show me?"

Noah used a finger to circle pretty much his entire upper body.

"How about you go lay back down and I'll get you some medicine and juice, OK?" Olivia said, sitting up on the side of the bed.

Noah nodded and left the bedroom.

"Poor guy," Alex said. "Now I feel bad my cake and ice cream made him sick."

"Please don't," Liv said. "He's been complaining about his tummy hurting for a couple of days, but it's usually been short-lived. I'll get him some medicine and see how he's going. Maybe he has a bug...or he ate too much and wore himself out. It's just life with a Kindergartener."

"Sounds entertaining," Alex teased.

"Do you know what else is entertaining?" Olivia said, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Alex smirked.

"This," Olivia said before leaning forward and kissing the blonde. "In fact, it's always been one of my favorite forms of entertainment."

"Well, we'll have to see what we can do about that later," Alex teased. "Won't we?"

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Fair warning. You get some sweet and you get some salt. Lots of salt and angst, actually. Sorry, after Wednesday, I needed to get back to some of my angsty roots (in a flashback). Hope you're enjoying this. I have some thoughts on a new story based on Wednesday's episode (LOTS of ideas, actually), but I want to sit on it for a bit and get a bit farther into this one._

 _Thanks for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying this one!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

"Where are we going?"

Alex was confused why Olivia was driving in the opposite direction from either of their apartments. She wasn't one for surprises and Olivia was being coy about their plans. The brunette's ability to keep a secret was one of Alex's biggest annoyances, even if it was usually for a good reason.

Alex watched Olivia over the top her glasses and watched as the Lieutenant tilted her head sideways and smirked.

"Just be patient," Olivia said.

"When have I ever been patient, Liv," Alex quipped back. "Where is Noah?"

"With Amanda and Jessie," Liv said.

Alex studied Olivia a little longer. Being insistent clearly wasn't working so she relaxed back in her seat and sat quietly for a few more minutes, watching as they slowly made their way through the city.

Finally, she reached an arm over to Olivia's shoulder, rubbing it gently.

"How was your day?" Alex asked softly.

Olivia gave her a suspicious look. "You know, rape and mayhem," Olivia said, shrugging. "You?"

"Murder and mayhem," Alex said. She slid her hand down Olivia's arm and then let it rest on her thigh. Alex smirked when she saw Olivia give her a suspicious side-eye again.

Alex started rubbing Olivia's thigh down by her knee. "I'm just glad I don't have that trial Monday," Alex said. "I'm really looking forward to the weekend with you and Noah."

"Uh huh," Olivia said.

Alex scooted a little closer, letting her arm drift to Olivia's inner thigh. She didn't intend to tease Olivia too much since she was driving, but she was hoping a bit of sweetness would go farther than demanding.

"Maybe we can take Noah for pancakes in the morning," Alex said. "There's a place up on 14th that is supposed to be great and kid-friendly."

"How do you know about kid-friendly places?" Olivia laughed.

"I may have done some research," Alex said grinning.

"Oh really?" Olivia said, a bit surprised.

Alex shrugged. "Well, I figure if we're really doing this, I should get used to having a kid in my life."

"That's sweet," Olivia said, then paused. "And what you're doing to my leg is naughty."

Alex smirked. "I'll stop if you tell me where we're going."

Olivia shook her head and laughed. "You are like a kid when you don't get your way."

Alex slid her hand a little higher up Olivia's inner thigh, letting her last two fingers drift even a little higher.

"Alex..." Olivia warned. "Are you trying to make me a distracted driver?"

"Do you want me to stop?" Alex said challenging and flirty.

"You are terrible," Olivia said. "But that also reminds me..."

Alex cocked her head and stopped her motion. "About what?"

"Ok, so...tonight, I got us a bed and breakfast just outside the city," Olivia said. "And I know we haven't talked about...sex. Like, I know we're taking it slow, but..."

"You want to have sex?" Alex said, matter of factly, she also moved her hand back to her own lap since she finally got the answer she wanted about where they were going.

"No," Olivia said.

"You don't want to have sex?!" Alex said, but when Olivia looked at her, she could see a smirking face that said Alex was clearly joking.

"What I mean is, we haven't talked about it," Olivia said.

"Actually, we have. A lot," Alex said jovially. "We've done it a lot too. A. Lot."

"I mean, this time around," Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "We haven't talked about when and I just kind of planned this on the fly and I just want you to know that I have no expectations just because we're going away for the weekend."

"Always a lady," Alex said, smiling. "Do you want to?"

"Alex...you know how I feel about you," Olivia said. "I'm more comfortable with you than anyone."

"I feel the same," Alex said. "So, given that..."

"Yes?" Olivia said.

"You said you didn't have expectations this weekend," Alex said.

"I'd never until you were ready," Olivia said.

"Well, I'm ready, and I definitely have expectations...at least now," Alex said, giving Olivia a wink.

Olivia blushed and reached over for Alex's hand. She lifted it to her mouth and kissed it.

"Thank God," Olivia said. "The last few weeks of making out with a little bit of fooling around...have been brutal."

"You, too?!" Alex said. "You have no idea how badly I wanted you that first night, Liv."

"Oh, I think I do," Olivia said. "After a few too many glasses of wine, you told me. But, by then, you were far too intoxicated for it to even have been much of a temptation for me."

"Well, it's good to know you learned something from all those years in SVU," Alex said.

Olivia smiled and kissed Alex's hand again, keeping their fingers interlocked.

"Just so you know, it was quite hard to steal some of your clothes to pack a bag for you the other night," Olivia said. "I was so afraid you would catch me going through your panty drawer."

"Now, that, I would have had questions about," Alex said. "Thank you, Liv. This was a good idea."

"Do you remember that first weekend we snuck away?" Olivia said. "Geez, it must have been 15 or 16 years ago."

"Oh, I remember, it was ... memorable," Alex said.

Olivia laughed. "That's one way of putting it," she said. "I remember we spent a lot of time ... um, connecting."

"Yeah, after the blow-up fight at the office," Alex scoffed and laughed. "And the continuing argument on the drive there."

"And for the entire first day?" Olivia joked.

"I think we both just needed a few days away from the squad and everything going on," Alex said. "It was definitely challenging back then."

"You mean working together?" Olivia said.

"Yeah and keeping the secret," Alex said.

"Well, we don't have to worry about the working together part," Olivia said. "As far as keeping the secret..."

"I guess we should talk about that," Alex said. "You know, I wanted us to be carefree about this. You know, take chances, don't worry about red tape and what people will think."

"It's a nice thought, but...we both know it's not the reality," Olivia said. "Even if you're not my ADA, you know we have to disclose at some point."

"I know," Alex said. "Are you ready for that?"

"Are you?"

"I asked you first," Alex said, laughing.

Olivia sighed. "I...I don't know," she said. "Not because I don't know how I feel, but...maybe we should just give it a little bit longer."

"I agree," Alex said. "I'm not exactly ready yet either, but not because I'm not sure. I just kind of like having you to myself. You know, no questions, no looks, just us."

"Good plan," Olivia said. "We'll give it some time and reassess then."

#

 _Season 3 (post-Protection)_

" _Liv, can you slow down?" Alex said, nervous by the two-lane road Olivia was taking them on to the bed and breakfast on their first weekend away, despite having been dating for several months. The couple had a rough week, fighting about Maria's case in the office and pretty much everything else that irritated them about the other since._

 _Olivia didn't remove her eyes from the road. "I'm going 70."_

" _And that's 5 miles over the limit," Alex said. "You're speeding, and it's foggy outside."_

" _Alex, I'm driving. I can see. It's fine," Olivia said. "No cop is going to write a ticket for 5 miles over the limit this far out in the county."_

" _Oh, right, I forgot...some cops don't seem to care about obeying the law," Alex said, a clear jab at Olivia about her pleading to not charge Maria for shooting Fredo._

" _Are you serious right now, Alex?" Olivia said. "He killed her kid."_

" _And she took the law into her own hands," Alex snapped back. "Why don't we all just go out and get some vigilante justice. An eye for an eye, right?"_

 _Olivia sighed. "You know, if you got your head out of a law book every once in a while and experienced some of the real world, you may understand everything can't always be black and white," she said._

" _Here we go again," Alex said. "If I had a dollar for every time I heard that at SVU..." she turned and faced Olivia, giving her a disgusted look, "and don't give me that real world crap. I've experienced plenty of the real world."_

" _I don't think growing up like a Kennedy counts," Olivia quipped angrily._

" _Oh, I see, we're doing this again?" Alex said. "I can't possibly understand the real world just because my family - not me, my family - happens to have some money? Sure, I'm just killing my time at SVU for fun when I could be making 6-figures doing private law work. I expect this crap from Elliot, but to get it from you? Although, I shouldn't be surprised. You do spend all your time with him, even when you're not working."_

" _One night. We went out for beers one night this week," Olivia said, clenching her jaw. "Heaven forbid that instead of hanging out with my girlfriend who's been busting my chops all week, I may want to commiserate during a tough week with my partner over beer."_

" _Yeah...'partner,'" Alex said, rolling her eyes._

" _What's that supposed to mean?" Olivia said, glaring at Alex. "Elliot and I are partners."_

 _Alex sat silently fuming, not sure how to put into words what she was implying or if she should._

 _Olivia finally got it. "You have got to be fucking kidding me," she said. "Jesus, Alex."_

" _I'm just saying, you seem to rely on him a lot more than me," Alex said. "And it's not as if everyone else doesn't think you're fucking."_

" _Excuse me?" Olivia said snapping her head toward Alex and exasperated. "Who?" she demanded._

" _Just people," Alex said. "1PP. The DA's office."_

" _Well, if 1PP thinks it, it must be true," Olivia said, sarcastically. "I mean, nevermind his wife and kids. But sure, I'm the kind of person who would do that to Kathy. Thanks so much for the vote of confidence."_

" _I didn't say I believed it!" Alex yell._

" _Then why did you imply it?!" Olivia yelled back._

" _I don't know!" Alex said. "I just...sometimes I just wonder if there isn't feelings or something."_

 _Olivia shook her head, insulted. "Well, this trip has been enlightening," she said. "Can't wait for the long weekend ahead."_

" _Olivia, don't do that," Alex said. "I'm just telling you I've wondered. I trust you."_

" _Clearly you don't, or you wouldn't be getting jealous over me having a beer with my partner," Olivia said._

" _You think I'm jealous?" Alex said, worked up again. "Ha! You're a good one to talk."_

" _What are you talking about?" Olivia said._

" _A few weeks ago, you suggested I may want to 'button another button' on my shirt," Alex said._

" _Alex, every man in the room was ogling you," Olivia said. "I was looking out for you."_

" _Yeah, but when we were friends you never had anything to say about it when you were 'looking out for me,'" Alex said. "In fact, I remember you doing quite a bit of ogling back then."_

" _Whatever, so I don't want my girlfriend exposing her breasts to a room full of entitled lawyers," Olivia said. "That doesn't make me jealous. And it's not as if I was telling you what to wear or what to do, I just mentioned they were looking."_

" _And that woman at the museum last weekend who was I was talking to about the painting and was asking about my bracelet?" Alex said._

"She _was blatantly hitting on you...and you were kind of encouraging it, to be honest," Olivia said. "She didn't care about your bracelet, she was doing that to hold your hand as she tried to woo you with all her knowledge of Monet or whoever."_

" _It was actually Renoir," Alex said. Olivia glared at her._

" _Even still, she was basically all over you," Olivia said._

" _She was not," Alex snapped. "And I certainly didn't need you to be rude to her and pout in the corner until you practically begged me to move to the next room."_

" _We'd been in that room forever," Olivia said. "There were other parts of the museum I wanted to see."_

" _Yeah, ok," Alex said. "I practically had to drag you out of bed to go that day."_

" _Well, I worked until midnight. Some of us don't work 9 to 5 jobs," Olivia said._

" _You think I only work 9 to 5?" Alex said, eyes narrowing. "So all those evenings writing and reading of those 'law books' you mentioned is just for my entertainment? All those middle of the night phone calls you and Stabler make to me begging for a warrant even when you have nothing? That's just for fun, too?"_

 _Olivia was quiet. She knew Alex had her on that one. Alex worked as much as she did most days. It was a terrible argument._

" _You're right...I'm sorry," Olivia said._

 _Alex remained silent._

" _Alex..." Olivia said._

" _Please, Alex..." Olivia begged. "Can we talk about this?"_

 _Alex laughed, angrily. "Can we talk? What have we been doing the entire drive?"_

 _Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry-"_

" _No, I don't want to hear it right now, Liv," Alex said. "We're almost there, and I think I'd like to just sit here quietly for the rest of the ride."_

 _Olivia opened her mouth to speak but caught an icy stare from Alex, so didn't say anything. The rest of the ride, neither spoke, they just contemplated the future of their relationship and whether they could get over the hurdles ahead._

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Mature warning. 'Nuff said._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 3**

 _[Flashback from Season 3 (post-Protection) continues]_

 _The next morning._

 _*Snoring*_

 _Alex laid on her back staring at the ceiling as Olivia's snoring continued, as it had most of the night._

 _When they arrived in their room the previous night, after their fight on the drive over, they didn't do much talking. A bottle of wine had been left in their room, something Olivia had requested before they left, and while they did open it and each have a glass, there was very little talking. Mostly just what they wanted to do the remainder of the weekend._

 _Because of the fight - and the snoring - Alex didn't sleep much and had given up once she realized it was daylight. Even still, she couldn't take much more of the snoring, so she shoved Olivia sleeping next to her._

" _O-livia," Alex said grumpily. She knew moving the detective a bit usually did the trick, except this time, Olivia wasn't moving easily. She was like dead weight._

" _Olivia!" Alex said louder this time._

 _That roused Olivia. "What?" she snapped at the next joust of her shoulder._

" _Can you roll over or something, just stop snoring?" Alex said. "I've barely slept all night."_

" _You know I only snore when I'm super tired," Olivia said. "It's not as if I can control it."_

" _Fine, go back to sleep," Alex said, rolling over and sitting up on the side of the bed. Surely there was coffee somewhere in this place._

 _The blonde stumbled across the room, looking for a robe and not even trying to be quiet. She didn't pay too much attention the previous night, but she figured it was early enough she could sneak down the hall to seek out some coffee. She had slept in a t-shirt and shorts anyway._

 _She opened the door and peeked down the hall when she saw an older lady with a small cart up the hall. There were only three rooms in the entire bed and breakfast._

" _Can I help you, dear?" the woman said._

" _I'm just looking for coffee," Alex said._

" _I'll get it right to you," the woman said. "When the reservation was made, Ms. Benson indicated coffee would be needed early. I'll have it right to you."_

" _Bless you," Alex said. She was glad she didn't have to wander the hall in her pajamas after all. She was also pleasantly surprised Olivia thought about her early morning coffee needs._

 _A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. When Alex opened it, the woman returned not only with coffee, but breakfast and champagne for mimosas._

" _Oh, wow," Alex said. "I didn't realize we'd get all this."_

" _Well, if something doesn't suit you, let me know," she said. "I'll be happy to have Jill whip you up something else. Ms. Benson also made a special request for the champagne, so I'll leave you two to enjoy that."_

 _Alex smiled and nodded as the woman excused herself and left. Alex looked at the covered food and drinks, then to Olivia still sleeping in the bed. She was pretty sure she loved Olivia, but she also worried about their jobs and how much their personalities seemed to clash over work._

 _She poured a cup of coffee, then a second one for Olivia and went and sat next to her girlfriend on the bed._

" _Liv?" Alex said, much gentler this time than earlier. She placed a soft hand on Olivia's shoulder._

" _I'm not snoring," Olivia growled, not yet opening her eyes._

 _Alex clenched her jaw, refusing to engage back. She couldn't blame Olivia for assuming she was complaining again._

" _Babe..." Alex said, letting Olivia know she was offering a peace branch. "Breakfast is here and I have coffee for you."_

 _Olivia opened her eyes and looked up. Her eyes met Alex, who gave her a small smile and held out the cup of coffee._

 _Olivia sat up in the bed then reached for the coffee. She took a quick sip. "Thank you."_

" _Our breakfast is here," Alex said. "And the lady brought champagne?"_

" _Oh. Right. I forgot," Olivia said, then took another sip of coffee. "I asked for it earlier in the week. I figured that we'd sleep a little later and ..." she trailed off, unsure what to say. She figured they'd be in better spirits and could enjoy mimosas with their breakfast. "I'm sure we can send it back if you want."_

" _Have I ever turned down a mimosa?" Alex said, finally smiling at Olivia for real. "It was sweet of you to think about it. And to make sure they were ready with coffee this early."_

" _Well, I know how important it is to you," Olivia said, returning Alex's smile._

 _The two of them sat on the bed, sipping their coffee in the quiet morning._

" _Should we talk about last night," Alex finally asked. It had clearly been weighing on both their minds._

" _We should," Olivia said. "But...can we eat first and then maybe go for a walk? There is supposed to be a lake around here somewhere."_

 _Olivia wasn't sure how their talk would go. She feared the worst._

[Present Day]

Alex and Olivia made it to the bed and breakfast fairly quickly once they got out of the city. It didn't take them long to get checked in and bags to their room.

Alex was looking through take-out menus while Olivia was putting things away in the restroom. Chinese. Pizza. Wings. Any of it sounded good to Alex.

"Liv, did you have any preference on what we should have for dinner?" Alex called out.

"Huh?" Olivia said, popping her head out of the restroom. Alex continued looking at the menus.

"Dinner. Do you prefer Chinese, pizza or wings? Or we go out," Alex said. "I think I saw a burger joint and a pub on the way here."

Alex listened but didn't hear Olivia responding. It wasn't until she felt a quick arm around her waist and Olivia's lips on the side of her neck did she realize what was happening.

"Mmm," Olivia purred in Alex's ear.

Alex felt her skin prickle at the touch and inhaled sharply when Olivia tugged on her earlobes. She tossed the menus on the desk and Olivia walked her back against it.

"I guess you had other things in mind for dinner," Alex said.

"You have ... 'expectations' ...," Olivia teased, shoving her hips into Alex's. "And I plan to exceed them." She lifted Alex up on the desk, sliding her hand under one of Alex's thighs.

"Fuck," Alex said raggedly. When Olivia heard her, she raised her eyebrows and smirked. She pressed their foreheads together, leaving one hand on the small of Alex's back and the other on her thigh.

Olivia paused and gazed into Alex's blue eyes. She then slowly brushed Alex's lips before sliding her tongue in, massaging it against Alex.

Alex moaned and Olivia picked up the intensity. Her tongue swirled around before plunging in and out, firm and steady...as if she was imitating what she'd be doing to Alex later with her hands.

Their weeks of teasing and fooling around hadn't been this intense, both of them staying guarded until they knew it was time. But now that the conversation was out of the way, all the built-up tension was free to come out.

Alex looped her leg around Olivia's back, pulling herself closer and feeling Olivia's taut nipples pressed against hers. Olivia moved her hand to Alex's other thigh, pulling it until Alex realized she wanted it around her too.

"Hang on tight," Olivia said suddenly.

Before Alex realized what was happened, Olivia lifted her off the desk, both hands around her waist. Alex locked her legs around Olivia's back as she turned around and carried Alex the short distance to the bed; Alex squealed. Olivia dropped her gently on the bed and climbed on top of her.

"Oh my God, Liv!" Alex said. "How can you still do that?"

"What? I still bust perps," Olivia said, raising up and giving Alex a mischievous grin. "But chasing around a kid doesn't hurt either."

Olivia kissed her again, leaving Alex breathless and feeling a burn she hadn't felt with anyone in years ... only with Olivia.

"God, Liv," Alex husked. "I've missed your touch so much."

Olivia lifted her lips from Alex's neck and hovered over her. She cupped Alex's cheek in her hand. "I've missed you and God, Alex, I haven't felt like this since..." _since the last time we were together._

Alex nodded. She knew what Olivia was saying, even if she didn't finish her sentence. Alex felt the same way. This time, Alex leaned up, wrapped a hand around the back of Olivia's neck and kissed her, sucking lightly on Olivia's bottom lip.

Olivia felt a familiar jolt of electricity run through her body as Alex's tongue swirled in her mouth, desperately as their bodies heated up. She slid her hand down and tugged on the bottom of Alex's shirt, pulling it up and letting her bare hand graze Alex's bare stomach. She felt Alex react instinctively to her touch as she continued up to her breasts.

Alex's breath hitched as Olivia slid her hand under her bra and let her fingers graze across the tip of Alex's nipples, teasing them as they grew harder.

Olivia squeezed just hard enough for a reaction. "Jesus, Liv," Alex moaned and Olivia pulled and tugged a little harder until Alex's head tilted back and she felt her hands slide up under the back of her shirt, Alex's fingernails digging in.

Olivia grinned. It had been a long time since they were together like this, and she had been nervous about it, but seeing Alex respond to her touch and her kiss, gave her confidence she knew her way around her former lover's body.

Alex raised up, Olivia straddling her, and pulled at the bottom of Olivia shirt, wanting to take it off. Olivia complied, letting Alex pull it over her head. Alex reached around to unclasp Olivia's bra, letting it fall off.

 _God, it's been so long since I saw these breasts_ , Alex thought, pausing to enjoy the beauty before pulling Olivia closer and taking a nipple into her mouth. Olivia closed her eyes, feeling the warmth as Alex licked her nipples, wetness growing between her legs.

When Alex stopped, Olivia reached down to pull her top off, making quick work of the shirt and bra and tossing them much more forcefully than Alex had with hers. She laid Alex back down, pulling her arms up and gently pinning Alex's wrists above her head on the mattress.

Olivia thrust her hips into Alex, who arched her hips up to meet Olivia's. Olivia put her mouth around Alex's earlobe, tugging at it then allowing her tongue to drag down behind her ear and licking down the side of Alex's neck.

Alex could feel the heat from Olivia's body pressed against her, sweat beginning to form as her body writhed beneath Olivia's.

"Liv..." Alex panted. "I need you...Please..."

Olivia released Alex's wrists and slid her hands down her side, kissing her way down to Alex's abdomen. She slowly unbuttoned Alex's pants and tugged them down, Alex raising her hips to help in the process. Seeing Alex laying there in nothing but her black lacy panties took Olivia straight back to their first time together. She inhaled sharply and slid them off, Alex watching her every move in anticipation of what was to come.

Olivia couldn't remember the last time she was this nervous. Alex laying naked in front of her was enough to make her knees quiver. She moved to the side and pulled her own pants and panties off before climbing back in bed.

"You're shaking, Liv," Alex said. "What's wrong?"

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "Nothing. Absolutely nothing." She kissed Alex and began to trace her fingers along Alex's neck, then to her collarbone, grazing across her nipples, stomach and down to the top of Alex's thigh. She slid her hand between Alex's leg, parting them then rubbing her inner thighs.

"I'm ready, Liv," Alex rasped.

Olivia reached between Alex's legs, feeling the wetness between her and slowly sunk her fingers into Alex, who gasped when she felt Olivia inside her. Olivia thrust firmly inside Alex, pushing deeper each time and feeling Alex's throbbing around her fingers.

"Fuck, I've missed you, Alex," Olivia said.

Alex ran her hands through Olivia's hair as she set a rhythm inside her. Alex dug her fingers into Olivia's back again, tilting her head back as Olivia picked up the pace, thrusting harder and fast.

"God, Liv...you make me feel..." Alex gasped, trying to form a coherent thought. "So...fucking...good...Goddamn I've missed this...you..."

Alex's words only encouraged Olivia go harder, with a frantic, wanton desire for nothing but pleasing Alex. As Olivia went faster, Alex began to feel overwhelmed with emotion and ecstasy. She grasped at the sheets and Olivia began to rub her clit. She tried to tell Olivia not to stop, but it all came out as gibberish.

"Liv...don't...please...oh my...fuck..." Alex panted, unsure what words she was evening using. She opened her eyes and saw Olivia's big brown orbs watching her every movement, eyes locking on hers until Alex's eyes rolled back in her head.

Alex began pulsing and throbbing as she fought to keep her hips down. With her knee, Olivia pushed her legs open wider and grabbed at Alex's breast, squeezing right as shockwaves began through Alex beneath.

"O...liv...i...a...Liv...Liv...Liv!" Alex screamed, as her ships rocketed off the bed and her legs wrapped around Olivia between her. Alex's arms reached around and pulled Olivia closer against her, their sweaty bodies sticking together as she came off her high until her breathing and heart rate became more steady.

Alex was still panting when she pushed Olivia's hair out of her face and kissed her fiercely like she hadn't kissed the woman in years. She had, but it had been years since they did that.

"My God, Liv," Alex said. "Is it possible we're 50 and just did that?"

Olivia laughed. "We should do it more often if it helps keep us young."

"Oh, we will very soon...as soon as I'm sure my heart isn't going to pop out of my chest," Alex said. "I can't wait to repay the favor."

Olivia kissed her. "I can't wait either," she said.

"I'm glad we did this," Alex said. "Getting away was an unexpected surprise...as was...that."

"Surprise? You thought I'd lose my touch?" Olivia said, faking being hurt.

"Of course not," Alex said. "I had no worries about that. It's just, when I got up this morning, crazy hot sex with my girlfriend was the farthest thing from my mind."

"Why did we ever stop doing this?" Olivia asked, rhetorically.

"Do we really want to have that conversation again?" Alex laughed.

Olivia chuckled. "No, we definitely don't," she said, rolling over next to Alex, letting her hand drape across her stomach. "Alex, I ..."

Alex rolled onto her side to look at Olivia, locking eyes with her. "What is it?"

Olivia became emotional, holding back tears. She put a finger under Alex's chin. "I...I'm just so happy." _And I think I love you...again._ "You've made me so happy."

Alex gave her a heart-warming smile, touched by Olivia's words, even if she was hoping for something more. "You make me happy, too, Liv. I honestly never imagined we'd have another shot at this."

"Well, let's make sure we do things right this time," Olivia said, then placed gentle kiss on Alex's lips.

Alex rolled on top of Olivia. She used her teeth on Olivia's earlobe, began kissing her neck, then moved her lips next to Olivia's ear, voice dropping an octave.

"I'd like to do a few of those 'right things' right now," Alex whispered. "I'd also like to do a few 'wrong things,' too."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: A few bumps in the road...how will they handle them?_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 5**

"Hey, sweetheart," Alex said, calling up Liv during the day. "My trial got continued so I thought we could go out to that new restaurant we wanted to try and that new shop you mentioned the other day."

"Hi," Liv said, smiling at the sound of Alex's voice. "I don't think I can tonight. It's Monday."

"Ok?" Alex said.

"Well, I have to pick up Noah today and I don't have Lucy this evening," Olivia said. "At the very least, I'd need to give her a heads up a day or two in advance."

"Advance?" Alex said. "I'm pretty sure you rarely give her advance notice when you have to work."

"That's different," Liv said. "Those are emergency situations and even more reason for me to respect her time off when it's not an emergency."

"Ok," Alex said, disappointed. "Can't you just call another sitter?"

"Like who?" Liv said. "Lucy is my sitter. I have a few backups, including Amanda sometimes, but she worked all weekend. Look, Alex, it's just not a good night. But you're welcome to come over and join us."

"Aren't there sitter services like AirBnB for babysitters or something?" Alex said.

Liv sighed. "Are you serious right now? I'm not leaving Noah with a stranger."

"You're right," Alex said, remembering what they went through with Sheila. "I'm sorry, that was a ridiculously bad idea."

"No, it's Ok, I appreciate you trying to help," Liv said. "But I really would like to see you if you want to come over."

"You sure?" Alex said, quietly, feeling like she had overstepped her boundaries already.

"Of course," Liv said. "And Noah will be happy to see you, too."

#

Liv was making dinner when Alex arrived and Noah was playing a game in the living room.

"Hey Alex, just finishing up dinner," Liv said. "If you wouldn't mind, ask Noah to wash up and I should be ready."

Alex smiled and walked over to give Liv a kiss on the cheek. "You bet."

She walked into the living room where Noah was playing, watching him as he carefully placed a piece into a slot and thought about what was next.

"Hey, Noah," Alex said.

"Hi Alex," Noah said without looking up.

"Liv said we should go wash up and dinner is ready," Alex said.

Noah continued what he was doing, not moving or responding.

"Noah?

"Just a minuteee," Noah whined.

"Ok, well, I'll go wash my hands and you can go when I'm done," Alex said, excusing herself to the bathroom. When she returned, Noah was still playing his game.

"Noah..."

He looked up and sighed, then looked back down.

"Noah, your mom said dinner was ready," Alex said, trying to be a little more firm.

"Then why didn't she tell me?" Noah said, sarcastically.

His words both surprised and hurt Alex, unsure how to respond.

Olivia appeared from behind Alex. "Noah Porter Benson. You may not talk to Alex like that. Now, she asked you to wash up, so you need to go wash up."

Noah sighed again and quietly stomped off to the restroom.

"I'm sorry about that," Olivia said. "He's been quite grumpy today. He got into a little trouble at school today, a couple of minutes time out, so he's been sulking since he got home because his teacher told me about it."

"I see," Alex said. "It's ok. He's a kid. I didn't take it personally." _Though, it did hurt her feelings a little._

"Anyway, dinner is ready. Sloppy Joe's and mac and cheese and broccoli," Olivia said.

"Oh, wow...that sounds..." Alex couldn't actually remember the last time she had a Sloppy Joe.

"You don't have to pretend to like it," Olivia laughed. "I was going to make turkey burgers for us but forgot to stop at the store because of Mr. Grumpy Pants. I can always order something else for you if you prefer."

Alex shook her head. "Nonsense," she said. "I'm not above a Sloppy Joe."

Olivia laughed. "Ok, well, we'll see."

#

An hour later, and despite giving up and trying to eat with a fork instead, Alex was covered in sloppy joe...wearing a shirt that cost more than she'd ever admit.

Noah laughed a lot, but Alex wasn't and Olivia knew her girlfriend wasn't pleased with the mess. Liv sent him to wash up before bed and told him she'd read to him in a bit.

"Babe, do you want to put something of mine on and I'll put your shirt in the wash," Olivia said.

"Dry clean only," Alex said quietly.

"Oh, well...if you want to leave it on the dresser, I'll drop it off tomorrow when I take Noah to school," Liv said. "I'm sorry."

"You don't need to do that," Alex said. "I'm the one who made a mess. I should have changed before I came over. Besides, you and Noah didn't spill on your shirts."

"Well, most of Noah's ended up on his face and the table, to be fair," Liv said, as she cleaned up the table and dropped the plates off in the kitchen.

When she returned, Alex had changed into a t-shirt and sweats and curled up on the couch with a glass of wine while she sorted through emails from work. Liv walked over and gave her a forehead kiss.

"I"m going to get Noah to sleep then I promise we can spend some time, catch up on our days," Liv said.

Alex smiled. "Sounds good."

Olivia left and Alex turned to her emails, responding to one of the attorneys under her who had an upcoming case. Before she realized it, nearly 45 minutes had passed. Olivia still hadn't returned. She got up and found her way to Noah's room to check on them. She spotted Olivia sitting on the bed, her and Noah looking like they were having a serious conversation. The look Noah gave her though, told her he wasn't happy about something. He was pouting.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked quietly.

"Everything is fine," Liv said. "Right Noah?"

"Yeah," Noah said flatly. He was only 6, going on 7, but the attitude he had already picked up from school frustrated Olivia a lot lately.

"Good night, Noah," she said, giving him a kiss. "Remember what we talked about, ok? Now, get some rest; you have your program tomorrow night. I love you."

"OK, Mom. I love you too," he said.

Olivia met Alex at the door and the two of them made their way to the bedroom so Olivia could change into pajamas.

Alex sat on the bed while Olivia was in the bathroom, changing then brushing her teeth.

"Everything ok with Noah?" Alex asked.

"Uh, yeah," Liv said. "He's just...been grumpy today." She returned to washing her face. Alex noted her hesitation in answering and how quiet she was being.

"Bad day at school?" Alex asked.

"Who knows," Olivia said, not making eye contact yet and seemingly trying to avoid the conversation. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long."

"It's ok," Alex said. "I just got caught up on emails. Katherine is about to lose it over the trial she has this week. The defense attorney won't stop filing pointless motions."

"Ah," Olivia said, returning to the bedroom and putting her clothes in the laundry.

"Noah has a program tomorrow night?" Alex asked.

"Yeah...it's...just this little play," Olivia said. "He doesn't even have a speaking part."

"A play?" Alex said. "Well that's fun. I bet he's excited."

"Not really," Olivia said. "Forced participation."

"Oh," Alex said. "But you're going, right?"

"Of course," Liv said.

Alex was kind of waiting for Olivia to invite her. She was excited for the boy and thought it would be a small way to move toward being a bigger part of his life. But Olivia didn't bite. _She probably thinks I wouldn't be interested_ , Alex thought.

"Would...would it be ok if I came?" Alex asked.

Olivia stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Alex finally. "You ... want to come?"

"Of course," Alex said. "I mean, I'm quite fond of Noah and I mean...eventually if things go...how I think we hope they will, well, there will be a lot more of these type of things in my future. I mean, I'm not trying to be presumptuous...and I know it's early still."

"Oh," Olivia said, turning back away from Alex.

"So?" Alex asked.

"So what?" Olivia said.

"I asked if you thought it was a good idea for me to come," Alex said.

"I...I mean, like I said, it's really not that big of a deal," Liv said. "I'm sure you'd be bored to tears. I usually am, even if it makes me smile to see him doing these kinds of things."

"I'm sure I'd feel the same way," Alex said. She wasn't sure why Olivia was dragging her feet on this. It was almost like she didn't want Alex to come. "I'd really like to come, Liv. If it's ok with you, that is. I surely don't want to impose, I just thought..."

"No, you're right," Olivia said, finally sitting down next to Alex. "I understand why it's important to you. And it makes me happy that it is important to you, that you want to be a part of Noah's life."

Olivia paused and Alex could tell there was more to her statement, a 'but' coming.

"It's just," Olivia continued. "I think in our eagerness to pick this, us, up again...well, there is someone else in this relationship. And I'm not sure..."

"He doesn't like me," Alex said.

"No, Alex, he does like you," Olivia said. "I just think right now, he's feeling a bit...territorial. I mean, a lot of my free time is spent with you and him. He's used to having me all to himself when he can get it."

"I thought with Tucker, he..." Alex said, but Olivia shook her head.

"Noah was younger then," Olivia said. "So it was harder to him to put into words and well, I think he just wasn't aware. I don't know. It was different. He's older, starting to understand his feelings and I mean...since Sheila..."

"I get it," Alex said.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I did explain to him that you were part of my life - our lives - but I did agree that I would take more time for just him and me."

"I'm sorry, I should have realized I was taking away your time from him - like tonight, you basically told me earlier," Alex said.

"How would you know?" Olivia said. "I mean, you're not a parent. It's not the kind of thing you have to think about. It's just...my life is a little different than how it was before."

"It is," Alex said. "I mean, I knew that, but...well, I guess you're right. I didn't realize."

"Look, Alex, I would understand if you ..." Olivia said, but Alex put her hand over her mouth.

"Don't you dare, Olivia Benson," Alex said. "You promised me. No pushing me away. No protecting me. No making decisions for me. Maybe my idea of life with a kid was a little disillusioned going into this, but it's still a decision I made and I'm sticking with it. It's what I want. You're what I want...Noah and all. That is, if you all still want to put up with me and my selfishness sometimes."

Olivia smiled and leaned forward to kiss Alex. "Of course I want that."

"And Noah?"

"Well, Noah gets an opinion about who is in my life, and always will, but I will have the final say. And I mean it when I say Noah likes you, loves you even. He just may need a little time to adjust," Olivia said.

"Well, I think that is fair," Alex said. "I may need a little time to adjust, too, to sloppy joes and mac and cheese for dinner, too."

Olivia laughed. "Come on, let's going to bed," she said. "As important as it is for me to have alone time with Noah, it's also important for me to have time for you, too."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Thanks to Chely99 for giving me the idea for this based on miscommunication that sometimes happens in relationships. On another note, In the past couple of weeks, I finished up my old job, moved to a new city (partially) and started a new (dream) job._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 6**

"No! I want youuuuu to come! Or Lucy!"

It was Saturday morning and Noah had a t-ball game. She was called into work and Alex offered to take him to his game. Liv figured it would be ok if Alex were willing, but Noah apparently wasn't willing.

Liv glanced at Alex. She could see the disappointment in Alex's eyes and knew how hard she had been trying with Noah since his last episode. Things hadn't really gotten much better.

"Liv, I know it's not ideal, and if you'd rather Lucy, that's fine. But that's your decision. I'm still willing," Alex said quietly once Noah was out of an earshot.

Olivia sighed. "I guess I'll just call Lucy. She was maybe going to come to the game anyway," she said. "Is that ok?"

"Of course," Alex said. "We can't force this on Noah. We know that. He'll come around."

"I know he will. How could anyone resist your charm?" Olivia grinned and kissed Alex on the cheek. "I"ll call Lucy. Though, you're still welcome to go watch if you want."

"It's ok," Alex said. "I had tentatively planned a lunch date with Jenny today anyway, though I did text her earlier and told her I may have to cancel. If she's not already made new plans, I'll still go."

"Who?" Olivia asked.

"Jennifer, the new attorney I was telling you about," Alex said. "The one that roomed with Casey during law school."

"Oh, right," Liv said. "Well, I'll call Lucy. Since she's already going to be here, I may just ask her to stay a little longer if I get done early and you and I can spend some time together, catch up."

"That sounds perfect, Liv," Alex said. She kissed Olivia goodbye and headed toward the door.

"Noah! Come on! We have to get you to Lucy's if you're going to be on time for your game," Liv shouted.

Noah came running out, fullying dressed and much happier than he had been 10 minutes earlier.

#

"Girl, just be careful," Jennifer said, crunching on her salad as Alex filled her in on her morning and struggles. "I'm sure you don't have to worry about it with Olivia, but this guy a dated for over a year, it was years ago, before I married Brett, he had a kid and there was just no other room in his life. I mean, he at least could send Jacob to his mother sometimes, but he did not like me. And Jacob always got his way. I think because John, the guy, felt bad about the divorce and everything. At any rate, parents will always put their children first - and I mean you can't blame them. Hell, I put the kids before Brett all the time now. Much to his displeasure sometimes."

"I understand that I'm just her girlfriend and Noah is her son," Alex said, trying not to seem like she was complaining. "He needs time."

"Yeah, that's what I thought with John's son too," Jennifer said. "'Give him time, space' John would always say. Eventually, that time and space meant I saw less and less of John, too."

Alex nodded. It wasn't the encouragement she was hoping for, but she still agreed with the plan they had made with Noah.

"I don't mean to discourage you," Jennifer continued. "That was just John. It would have never worked anyway. He always had a tendency to be brooding, push people away. I mean, it's why he got divorced. Candy, his ex, just couldn't take it anymore from what she tells me. I mean, it doesn't sound like Olivia is doing that to you."

"No," Alex shook her head, though...given their history and well, Olivia, in the bad of her mind she began to wonder when it would happen.

"Then I wouldn't worry about it," Jennifer said. "Casey tells me you two have been dancing around this far too long. Just go with it. She seems great."

#

Despite the warning at lunch and the fear it had put in Alex's mind about her and Olivia, she was looking forward to time with her girlfriend that night. Liv texted earlier and said she would get done early as she hoped and would come over.

Alex decided when Olivia got there, they'd have nice dinner that she cooked and she'd share her fears with Liv - trying the whole open communication thing they had never been really good at in the past.

"Wow, Alex, that was delicious," Olivia said, wiping her mouth. "A lot better than the fare I serve at my place."

"I'm growing quite fond of powered mac and cheese," Alex laughed.

"Ha! No, you're not," Olivia said. "I saw you scrape half of it off your plate the other night. It's ok, I'm not fond of it either. But Noah is so picky when he finds something he likes, I just have to go with it and try to sneak in vegetables and healthy food when I can."

When they were done, the two of them loaded the dishwasher together and settled in on the couch with a glass of wine, Alex curled up against Olivia who ran her hand over Alex's blonde hair.

"So lunch with Jennifer today was good," Alex said, filling Liv in on her day. "She said Casey is doing well. She enjoys her work in Baltimore."

"Good to hear," Liv said. She slid her hand down Alex's arm and back up, caressing her.

"I guess she's been working with the FBI on some kind of Joint Terrorism Task Force operation, too," Alex said. "She prosecuted some people last year with ties to ISIS and I guess she kicked so much ass, the feds wanted to keep working with her on some potentially connected cases."

"Wow," Liv said.

Alex felt Olivia's hand move to her stomach, firmly moving across and letting her hand graze upward toward her breasts. Alex appreciated the attention even if she was convinced Liv was barely listening to her.

Alex rolled over and re-positioned them so she could look at Olivia, both laying sideways on Alex's large couch. Alex continued telling Olivia about her day while Olivia continued caressing her and nodding along with half-interest.

Finally, Alex scooted closer and wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist, eliciting an eyebrow raise from Olivia, who leaned forward for a quick kiss.

"I was thinking..." Alex said.

Olivia moved her lips over to Alex's neck. "You were, were you?" Olivia looked up at Alex and smirked. She then replaced her lips on Alex, moving up toward her ears - a spot she knew Alex loved.

"Mmm, Liv..." Alex said. "I was just thinking about us and Noah..." Alex was having a hard time concentrating on what she wanted to tell Olivia because she felt a growing sensation between her legs from what the brunette was doing with her tongue.

"Uh huh," Olivia said, before pulling Alex in and rolling on top of her. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Alex's, letting her tongue probe Alex's mouth, who responded in-kind.

"You were saying..." Olivia said after the kiss, letting her mouth move down to the nape of Alex's neck.

"Babe, I just was thinking about our future, I just want to make sure that we communicate, and I know you have a tendency to push people away at times and..." Alex felt Olivia's hand slid up her shirt and begin teasing her nipples. "Liv..."

"Mmm," Olivia murmured.

"Babe, please..." Alex said.

"Please, what?" Olivia said, looking up with a cocky grin.

"Please stop," Alex finally said.

Olivia stopped everything she was doing, suddenly and looked confused.

"I'm trying to talk to you," Alex said.

"I was listening," Olivia said.

"Yeah, while you were fondling me," Alex said, pushing Olivia up so they were both sitting.

"I thought..."

"I wanted to spend time together tonight," Alex said.

"Um, what would you call what we've been doing?" Olivia said.

"I'd call it getting laid, or trying to get laid," Alex said, dripping with snark. "Which seems to be all you need me for lately."

"Excuse me?" Olivia said, clearly hurt. "I thought you wanted to spend quality time together."

"Yes, but sometimes that means just talking, catching up," Alex said. "I mean if all you want from me is sex..."

"No!" Olivia said. "Alex, you know me better than that. I love talking to you, spending time with you. I just...I get so busy with work and Noah, I don't want you to feel neglected."

"Well, I do, but not in that department," Alex said, holding back tears. "It's always, let's eat, take care of Noah, play, get him to bed, and when I think I'm going to get to spend time with you, then you're ready for bed...and sex."

"We don't have to have sex. I mean, I didn't think the 2-3 times a week we actually get to was too much," Olivia said.

"I never said we're having too much sex!" Alex said. "God, you know I could have sex with you every night. What I'm saying is lately, the only time I ever get to spend alone with you is WHEN we're having sex. The rest of the time, we're with Noah, or you're distracted by work."

Olivia sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't know it was an issue," she said. "Look, if this is not fair..."

"Stop it," Alex said. "Stop doing that. Stop trying to push me away. I love our time with Noah, even if he hates me. I just wish I could also be a priority."

"Sometimes it's hard," Olivia admitted.

"I know," Alex said. "That's what I wanted to talk to you tonight, what I was trying to talk to you about. That I needed your commitment that when times got hard you wouldn't do this - shut down, push me away, give me the Tucker treatment."

That one stung Olivia and Alex knew it, but she needed to be blunt.

"When I say I want to spend time with you, sometimes it means just that - time," Alex said. "I know Noah is your top priority. He should be. I know he's making it hard on you right now, but it's hard on me, too. I just don't want us to go down a familiar road of not talking about these things. Of trying to fix things or make up for things with sex. That doesn't work for us, remember?"

"I remember," Olivia said.

"Liv...I love you," Alex said. It was the first time, at least this time, that either of them had said it. "I want this to be the last time, the real time, so please, don't try to do it all alone. When you're struggling, let me help you. Talk to me."

"I love you, too, Alex," Olivia said. "I never meant to make you feel that way. You know that, right?"

Alex nodded.

"I guess I just...well, like I said, I was afraid I was neglecting you because I know often I'm just tired, so I didn't want you to...I don't know, feel like I didn't want you," Olivia said.

"Liv, I know you want me. Let's face it, you've never been able to resist me," Alex joked, making Olivia laugh. "But, we're both different now. Let's focus on doing this whole thing as a team, Noah and all. Just don't push me outside of the loop."

"I won't," Olivia said. She reached her arm out and pulled Alex close to her on the couch, the two of them still sitting. "Now, tell me all about your day, what you have going on this week, what interesting cases you're working, what mean things my son did to you this week."

"He didn't-"

"Lucy found the shoes filled with toothpaste today," Olivia said, cutting her off. "And I know you saw them because you abruptly switched shoes while you were getting dressed this morning and disappeared to the bathroom. What else haven't you told me about his antics?"

Alex smiled.

"Also, don't worry, Noah will be promptly grounded," Olivia said. "I'm pretty sure Lucy already gave him a talking to, as well. I will start being a little more firm with him, especially when it comes to you. I still want him to have some say, but we can't keep doing the eggshells with him."

"Ok," Alex said. "I will follow your lead."

"Well, we'll have to figure it out together because this is all new for me, too," Olivia said. "But whatever happens, I know we'll get through it." She tilted her head over to lean on Alex's. "I love you, Alex."

"I love you."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: Attempting to write on my iPad. Things may get a little wonkier than usual. Sorry in advance, but until I can replace my (very expensive) charger for my MacBook, it'll be a bit harder to write. But I'm hoping I can get a new one here by next week sometime. New job in a new city and waiting to move into new apartment...life is in limbo, but I wanted to get something out for you._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 7**

 _Jump forward approximately one year._

Olivia entered Alex's apartment after work, sitting her keys down and smiling to think that soon enough, they would all call this place home. Alex was now her fiancee and in just a few short months, they would be married.

"Alex? Are you home yet?" Olivia said, not seeing her future wife in the living room. She assumed she was in the bedroom, changing out of her work clothes. When Alex emerged from the kitchen, already in her pajamas, it startled Olivia.

"Yeah, I've been home since right after I called you today," Alex said. She'd called Liv earlier and insisted she come over for dinner, that they needed to sort some things out. Liv assumed it was about the moving plans, since the movers were coming next weekend.

"Oh, that was ... 1:00 or so," Olivia said, confused. "Are you feeling ok?"

Alex laughed sarcastically. "Am I feeling ok?" Olivia wondered if she had done something to upset Alex, but couldn't think of anything. They had been blissfully happy for a while now.

Olivia nodded for Alex to sit on the couch with her. She could see Alex had already been there and opened a bottle of wine. A bowl of ice cream was in her hand when she retreated from the kitchen.

"What's going on, Al?" Olivia said softly.

Alex finally sat down, looking defeated. She looked over at Liv, a glint of tears and anger in her blue eyes.

"I got fired today," Alex said flatly.

"You what?!" Olivia couldn't' believe what she was hearing.

"The new District Attorney decided he owed some favors, which included giving my job - as well as some others - to his buddies, or the spawn of his golf pals," ALex said.

"So he just fired you?" Olivia said. "He can't just fire you, can he? I mean, you've given nearly your entire career to the DA's office. And it's a government job!" Olivia was furious.

"I mean, technically, I supposed he could terminate me, but that's not exactly what happened, but it may as well have been," Alex said. "You're right, firing a bunch of assistant district attorney's for no reason would be a headache. That's why he went the cowardly route and just 're-assigned' me so my 'expertise can help better some of the struggling' units."

"What does that mean? What units?" Olivia said.

"Community partnerships. Or elder abuse. Or teaching in the DA Academy," Alex said. "Or appeals, which I flat out said no to. But 'I can have my pick!' He said."

"Why on earth would he want you in any of those bureaus?" Olivia said. "This makes no sense Alex. You're far to experienced and skilled to be doing community partnerships. Not that it's not important, but..."

"Oh, I know exactly why," Alex said. "It's because those bureaus don't get any attention or recognition. He sees me, and a few others, as a threat to run against him in the next election. Someone would have this time if McCoy's wife hadn't gotten ill. Daniels (the new DA) used that to win, claiming Jack would be distracted."

"Yeah, I remember," Liv said. "And I still never thought he'd beat Jack."

"Well, Jack has stood up to a lot of people over the years, some powerful people," Alex said. "They found their stooge and found a way to get him in office."

"So...what are you going to do?" Olivia said. "I know you'd hate it, but I think you'd make a great teacher."

"Ha!" Alex said. "When I had to deal with all those rookie ADAs after I came back from witness protection, Jesus, it drove me insane."

"They must not have all..." Olivia started to bring up Alex's former lover, Jim.

"Don't you dare make a quip about Jim," Alex warned with a smirk on her face.

"Ok, so what are you thinking?" Olivia said. "Can you fight it?"

"I don't think it would be worth it," Alex said. She reached for her glass of wine and took a slow sip, laying back on the couch as she formatted her thoughts. "I think...I think I'm going to put in my papers."

"I'm sorry, what?" Olivia said, shocked for the second time that evening. "Alex, you can't give up without a fight! Maybe I can petition to get you back at SVU."

"Really, Liv?" Alex said. "And what about Stone?"

"Chicago is nice," Olivia grinned. She didn't hate Stone, but she certainly wasn't his biggest fan. He tried hard...too hard, you might say. "I'm kidding, but we've had two ADA's before. He could use someone with your experience and tact guiding him."

"Liv, I love you, but the Brass knows we're together. There is no way they'd assign me there," Alex said. "And even if they did, do you remember how hard it was for us...before? Working together?"

"You're right, but still...you shouldn't give up," Olivia said.

"I don't see it that way," Alex said.

"You don't?"

"I see it as preparing for a battle," ALex said. "Next election, I'll run, and I'll kick Daniels' ass. Or if someone better runs, I'll make sure they kick his ass."

Olivia smirked. "As if there is anyone better than you."

"That's sweet, but Liv, I've sat here all day thinking about this, and to be honest, I could use a change," Alex said. "And if I am ever going to run for DA, it wouldn't be a bad thing to get out of there and see things from a different perspective, you know?"

"Wow...ok," Liv said. "Whatever you want, I will support. Do you think you'll go into private practice? Defense attorney?"

Alex shuttered a little and shook her head. "I don't think so, at least not unless someone really deserves it," she said. "I think...I think I'd like to get involved with some sexual abuse or domestic violence shelters. Maybe volunteer my legal services. I mean, we don't have to worry too much about money, in case that crossed your mind with moving in and getting married. I'd still probably do some contract work, legal consulting."

"No, not at all," Olivia said. "I think it's great idea. There are a lot of survivors that could use an advocate like you out there."

"I think ultimately, as angry as I am about how all this happened, it'll be good," Alex said. "Sometimes I feel like we're just kind of this cog in a wheel that keeps spinning."

"I certainly understand that," Olivia said.

"But, we keep fighting and hopefully, one day, change the legal system so it's more friendly to victims of abuse," Alex said. "I feel like we all fuck that up sometimes."

"I agree...more than you know," Olivia said. "So, are you going to take some time? Think about it? Or..."

"I mean, I'll sleep on it and we can talk about it more over dinner, my options, but I feel like this is what I need to do," Alex said. "I'm certainly not going to take a demotion to further the career of some power-hunger assholes. If I leave, I'll be better equipped and prepared when the time comes."

Olivia smiled and put her hand on Alex's. "You'll be amazing at whatever you decided."

"Thank you, Liv," ALex said. "I was nervous about talking to you. Not because I didn't think you'd understand, I knew you would, but because this is all you've mostly known me as. I love you for supporting me, even if I'm scared as hell about the next steps."

"I'll always support you, Alex," Liv said. "We're a team, in this together. If you want to be the DA, I'll do everything in my power to make it happen. Door knock. Go to fancy fundraisers. Tell the world how brilliant my wife is. Stuff envelopes."

Alex laughed.

"I've got your back, Alex. Always."

* * *

 _Don't worry about Alex's choice here. We aren't going to see her going down the path she did in Sunk Cost Fallacy, but I do like the concept of Alex out in the real world._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hello! I know it's been a while. I apologize. But now I'm in my new permanent apartment, with real internet, a working laptop and no longer have to get up before dawn to make it to work on time since I'm much closer now. So, let's get back into this one. I missed you all, but thanks for the reviews in the meantime and for reading. - This isn't too long, but I wanted to get something out so you knew I was working on it and set a few things up._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 8**

Alex was curled up on the couch, feet propped up and reading through brochures and documents when Olivia came through the door. Noah was sitting on the floor playing an iPad game, occasionally turning around to take a drink of juice.

Olivia smiled at the sight of her two loves, looking relaxed and content. It made her happy because she wasn't sure how Alex's first week of volunteering at the new place and spending afternoons with Noah was going to go.

"Hey, Liv...you're home early," Alex said when she saw Olivia come in. "Well, at least earlier than you thought you would be."

"I plowed through as much as I could then decided I could work on the rest at home," Olivia said, sitting everything down and looking for any signs of distress from either Noah or Alex.

Alex got up to meet her in the kitchen and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Or make sure things are still going well with Noah and me?" Alex smiled and laughed, and Olivia knew she was busted.

"I just...you know, he had some issues early on and..." Olivia tried to explain.

"Liv...I know," Alex said. "But that was a long time ago, and he's grown up a lot."

"It's just..."

"I haven't spent this much time alone with him since...well, ever, and you want to make sure he's behaving," Alex said. "I understand, but I promise, he's been mostly perfect this week."

"Mostly?" Olivia asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"We had a disagreement about how many time in a row was acceptable to watch the Lego Batman movie," Alex said. "After three times, I was out."

"How did you manage that?" Olivia said.

"I bribed him with ice cream, of course," Alex grinned. "But before you tell me I shouldn't bribe him with food, you should know before that he helped me organize my law books in the den, so I'd say he organized it."

"Geez, Alex, can he even pick one of those up?" Olivia laughed.

"He's stronger than he looks...he must take after his Mama," Alex said.

Alex poured Liv a glass of lemonade and put some snacks out she had made earlier. They sat at the kitchen table to talk and catch up on the day, as had become their routine since they recently moved in together.

"How is the shelter now that you're all done with your classroom training and actually doing some work now?" Olivia asked.

Alex let out a loud sigh. "Liv, it's the worst."

"The shelter?" Olivia asked, confused.

"No, no, the shelter is great," Alex said. "But the women who come through there, and their situations. I mean, we've seen a little of everything Liv, but the vast majority of these women who are either abused physically, sexually, emotionally, they never get any kind of justice. They're either too scared to seek it and just want to be done, or have little to no hope of anything being done other than maybe a protection order."

"Well, we both know how hard it is to prosecute," Olivia said.

"It's not even that," Alex said. "These women were one time vibrant women, full of hope - you can see it in them every now and then, but then, while they're there they've been worn down so much - by the men that abuse them; by family and friends who think they're overreacting or just 'just leave;' by society or politicians who judge them for needing government or state assistance. It's just maddening. It makes me question if anything we did ever really mattered in the grand scheme of things."

"It mattered to the people we could get justice for, for those that we believed," Olivia said.

"I know," Alex said, sighing again. "I keep reminding myself of that. It's hard to not be a prosecutor, either. Yesterday, I started going on about how a woman I was talking to should go down to the precinct and demand charges be pressed and they they didn't listen to go knock on the door of the prosecutor and my supervisor had to pull me aside and remind me that, while my experience was helpful, not everyone wanted or needed that kind of help. I'm learning to let them guide their time there."

"It certainly sounds challenging to step back when your job has always been to seek justice," Olivia said. "But they're not wrong. People do have to guide their own decisions."

"Yes, I know. It's been good for me. I'm learning to give up control," Alex said.

Olivia burst out laughing.

"What?"

"You? Give up control? That'll be the day!" Olivia teased. "You're a bit of a control freak."

"Hey! I am not a ... ok, well, maybe you have a point," Alex said. "But this is good for me. It's actually nice to not have to control everything all the time."

"Well, don't get too used to it," Olivia said. "In a couple short years, you're going to be the next DA."

Alex squirmed, a bit uncomfortably.

"What? That's still what you want, right?" Olivia said, noticing her changing behavior.

"Yes, of course," Alex said. "It's just...I know it's going to be a big battle with Daniels. I'm not looking forward to it."

"Alex, he'll probably do his own self in from what I hear about him," Olivia said. "I'm still surprised his name wasn't attached to that mess of stuff Murphy found when we worked Holly and Rylane's case."

"Well, he's sleazy, but not dumb," Alex said. "Anyway, how are things this week at SVU?"

"We've had a good week," Liv said. "In fact, so caught up, I had Amanda take a few days off to spend with Jessie."

"She's lucky to have an understanding boss that knows how important that is," Alex said, then paused. "So, Amanda...Jessie's father is Murphy, right?"

"Yes, though, while he has a heart of gold, I'm not sure how involved he is," Olivia said, picking at the fruit in front of her and watching Noah across the room.

"So, it's just Amanda, raising Jessie all alone?" Alex asked. Olivia wondered where all the sudden interest in Amanda was coming from.

"Well, Carisi actually helps out a lot," Olivia said. "He's a good friend to her."

"Just a friend?"

Olivia shrugged. "Who knows? Those are the kinds of questions it's best I don't ask, especially given her relationship with Nick," Olivia said. "But my best guess is, even if he was interested, he's not quite her type."

"How exactly do you know her type?" Alex laughed.

"What is this? Why all the questions about Amanda? Are you...you don't think?" Olivia asked, wondering if her fiancee was jealous.

"No! No, Liv, not at all!" Alex said. "Look, I'm way past my jealousy phase, so that's not where I was going. I was just curious about her relationship with Declan."

Olivia snickered. No one she knew called him Declan. Not even Amanda. "It seemed like it was a fling that resulted in Jessie, which Amanda seems more than happy with. She knows he's got her back if they ever need anything, but with this work..."

"I get it," Alex said. "Anyway, you should go change and relax while I get everything I prepped for dinner ready. Give me about an hour."

"You know, I could get used to you being home and cooking dinner for me every night," Olivia joked. "You sure you want to be DA?"

"HA! Well, make another crack like that and you can get used to sleeping on the couch, too," ALex said, leaning over to kiss Olivia.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	9. Chapter 9

_Writing on iPad, which is a bit awkward. Apologies in advance for typos (probably more than usual)._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 9**

"This was a good idea, Alex," Olivia said, standing in the kitchen watching her crew enjoy themselves in her living room after a fabulous meal Alex cooked for everyone.

"I figure as long as I'm only volunteering part-time at the shelter and haven't kicked off campaigning just yet, I may as well take advantage of that time and reward the hardest working and most elite NYPD squad I know," Alex said and planted a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

"I do have a pretty good squad, huh?" Olivia said. "Thank you, Alex."

The two women returned to their guests in the living room. Noah was busy entertaining Jessie, while Amanda and Carisi sat around listening to battle stories from when Fin and Olivia were younger detectives.

"No, seriously, we told the Captain we hadn't seen the guy. It was probably the first time I'd ever really been paired up with Liv so I wasn't sure how it would go. We watched him go in the bar, followed him and was able to arrest the bastard when we found his stash. He was one fucked up dude, but boy, Cragen was made," Fin said.

"If I remember correctly, a certain ADA was pretty pissed off, too," Alex said, smirking. She took a seat on the couch next to Amanda.

"I can't believe you just disobeyed the Captain like that," Carisi said, surprised by Liv.

"It was the one and only time I ever disobeyed my commanding officer," Liv said with a sheepish grin, which prompted everyone else to laugh.

"If you say so," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "What about the time..."

"Ok, enough of work talk," Olivia interrupted her. "Fin, how's that grandbaby of yours. I wish Ken and his husband would have came over tonight. You did invite them, right?"

"I did, but the Alejandro's work was having some sort of family picnic day and they were just exhausted after that," Fin said. "But they said thank you for the invite. The boy is doing well. Loves asking Grandpa for things and giving his dads a hard time."

"Sounds like your grandson alright," Amanda said. "If you'll excuse me for a minute, I'm going to check on Jessie and Noah."

Amanda got up and left. A minute later a phone dinged on the coffee table and Alex reached down to pick it up, studying it for a moment.

"Something wrong?" Olivia asked, looking at the serious look on Alex's face.

Alex was caught off guard. "Oh, no, in fact, I think this is Amanda's phone. It was right next to mine."

"Yeah, I was getting ready to say something, but figured you'd figure it out," Carisi said. "It's probably Murphy cause that's her 'burner' phone. Amanda says he texts or calls every Saturday night to check on Jessie. If you ask me, he ought to do a lot more but..."

"Who ought to do a lot more?" Amanda asked, returning to the living room.

"Nothing," Alex said. "I accidentally picked up your phone when there was a text message. Sorry about that. All these phones look alike these days."

"No worries," Amanda said. "It looks like it's just Murphy. Though I never store the number cause it changes every few weeks."

"Where's he at now?" Carisi asked.

"Somewhere cold is all he can tell me," Amanda said. "He's supposed to be in the city soon though, or I assume so since he mentioned stopping by to see Jessie soon."

"That's encouraging," Olivia said. "Can I get anyone more pie? Wine?"

"I think I'm going to head out," Fin said. "I have a playdate with the grandson in the morning and if I eat anything else, I won't be able to move."

"I think I'm going to get going too," Carisi said. "Gotta be down at the precinct bright and early."

"Well, one of us has to work," Amanda laughed. "Thank you both for everything. It was nice to get away from work with you all."

"We'll do it again soon," Alex said. "We'll make sure to have you all over before my campaign kicks off in full gear."

"Good luck to you," Amanda said. "I can't wait to get this administration out of office."

"Well, it'll be a hard battle. He's got a lot of support and money behind him, but I'm ready and willing to fight," Alex said.

"And you can be we're here to support you," Fin said. "Anything you need...you call."

"Just make sure it's off the clock," Olivia reminded her squad. With Alex running for DA, she wanted to make sure they knew SVU had to keep clear boundaries and anything they did to help was voluntary and not on city time.

"We know LT," Carisi said.

"Thank you all, I appreciate the support," Alex said. "Now, please, will anyone take some leftover pie home?"

At that, everyone scattered, having already filled themselves and not wanting the temptation of more sweets. Olivia cleaned up the last few glasses and started the dishwasher while Alex got Noah ready for bed.

#

Alex was anxious. A week after the dinner party, she found herself at an abandoned lot near the river in the north side of the city, not much unlike the place she was whisked away into WitSec after seeing Olivia and Elliot one last time.

She waited nervously until a black SUV drove up, the driver pulling up next to her and nodding, indicating he wanted her to get in the vehicle. Alex looked around, making sure no one was watching and got into the vehicle.

"Thanks for meeting me," she said.

"I guess I'm just curious why you contacted me," the man replied.

"I...I really don't know. I just need information and..." Alex started before he cut her off.

"You assumed I could provide it," he said.

"Something like that," she said, still increasingly nervous.

"Benson know?" he asked.

"No...or well, I haven't said anything yet," she said.

"Good," he said. "Don't yet. I mean, you probably know she'll be pissed, but..."

"I know, but before I expose anyone, I want to know what I'm looking at," Alex said.

"Understood," he said. "Give me a few weeks. And keep this."

He handed her a cell phone and she just stared at it.

"I'll contact you on that number when I have something," he said. "Don't use your phone to contact me."

Alex nodded. "Thank you."

"No thanks needed," he said. "I'd do about anything if it would help Liv out, and I guess now that includes you."

Alex smiled and exited the SUV before returning to her own vehicle. Not only did she have a phone to hide from Olivia for the time being, but a secret as well.

#

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	10. Chapter 10

_Still writing on iPad. Waiting on my 2nd Macbook Air charger in just a few months - this time an evil cat did it though! (Just kidding, I love her.) Thanks for the reviews. It's good to be back. Want to get through this particular arc quickly, even if I have to make do on the iPad._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 10**

"I saw the DA filed for the election. Do you need to do that soon?" Olivia asked Alex about a week after Alex's mysterious meeting.

"Not really. I mean, the deadline is well into next year, but most people file early I suppose," Alex said. "But at this point, I'd just as soon keep the media attention away. I know I'm running and he assumes I'm running, as does about everyone at the DA's office. The world doesn't need to know just yet."

"So what's the next step?" Olivia said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Not at this point. I'm meeting with some friends of my father in a few days and have reached out to some contacts to assess any issues the DA could bring up to attack me," Alex said.

"Issues? Ha! Alex, your career has been basically spotless," Olivia said.

"I wouldn't call it spotless. Remember that time the State Bar investigated me over an alleged Brady violation in the Nikiki Sherman case? I'm pretty sure that's the same case one of my SVU detectives requested a new ADA over 'ethics,'" Alex reminded her, alluding to Olivia's veiled threat back then and poking fun at their tumultuous relationship.

"Ok, first off, I never actually filed that request and second, that violation was unfounded," Olivia said. "In fact, I think anytime you've been questioned about that stuff, and have been vindicated, it only goes to strengthen your case that you've been an ethical prosecutor...unlike our current DA. You've been tested, Alex, and always prevailed."

"What about Sam Cavanaugh?" Alex said.

Olivia sighed. She knew Alex would go there, rehash every mistake she ever made.

Alex continued, "I was not vindicated and not only did I jeopardize my job, I jeopardized yours and Elliot's careers and pensions."

"You were young, Alex," Olivia said. "Everyone has those moments. It was wrong, but you did it for the right reasons. And you don't have a history of playing fast and loose with the law."

"I know," Alex said. "And it really was the only way."

"You'd do it again, wouldn't you?" Olivia said

"Damn right I would," Alex said. "I'd just make sure not to endanger other people's careers in the process...and, to be fair, I'd probably find any other way. It was the easy way, but..."

"You were desperate and you felt guilty for what happened to Sam," Olivia said. "Listen, that was forever ago. No one is going to remember it, let alone hold it against you. I don't know one single ADA, Donnelly included, that hasn't tried to bend the law at times. The difference between the good ones and the bad ones is the good ones, like you, bend it to support the victims...not when it benefits themself."

"I know, I know," Alex said. "I just have to think through all of these things and prepare to answer for them. Who knows what the DA will dig up, true or not. In case you haven't noticed, the country seems more and more ok with flat-out lies these days."

"You're right, but do you really think you have anything to be worried about?" Olivia asked.

Alex sat quietly, trying to figure out her answer before simply replying.

"No."

#

As Olivia and Alex got ready for bed, Olivia's phone rang. It was the office. There was a missing 6-year-old girl and a city-wide search effort was about to be launched.

"I"m sorry," Olivia said. "I was really looking forward to...spending quality time with you tonight."

Alex stood up, wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and pressed their lips together. "It's ok, you can make it up to me when you're home and rested," she said.

"I know, but we've been so busy lately, I was just hoping..." Olivia trailed off.

They had both been hoping for the same thing. It had been a while. Between Olivia's work, Alex prepping for the campaign, wedding plannng, and Noah, they just hadn't had much intimate time lately.

"I'll be here when you get home," Alex said. "In fact, I'll clear my schedule once this girl is safely found and back home and just the two of us will spend some time together."

"That sounds good," Olivia said. "Ok, I need to go. Are you sure you're ok with Noah tonight? I can always call Lucy."

"Liv, we've been living together for months now," Alex said. "I've stayed with him at night before."

"I know, but you've also been busy and I don't know when I'll be home," Olivia said. "You need rest, too."

"It's not like he's not already asleep and won't sleep through the night...and if he doesn't, that's ok," Alex said. "It's called being a parent."

"Ok, ok, you're right," Olivia said. "I'll have my phone. Just call or text if you need anything."

"All I need is for you to come home safely to me," Alex said.

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex one last time before heading out, stopping to check on a sleeping Noah before she left.

Instead of going to bed, since she wasn't quite tired and her bedroom plans with Olivia were disrupted, Alex went to poor a glass of wine and sat down on the couch with a novel - a luxury she had missed being a prosecutor unless on vacation and one she knew she'd rarely get when she became DA.

 _*Ding*_

Alex looked at her purse across the room. The noise came from the phone that had been given to her. It had only been a week so she wasn't expected to hear anything just yet. She had buried it in her purse because she knew it was the one place Olivia would never see it. She was thankful, however, that Olivia was gone when the text sound went off and realized she probably need to double check it was on vibrate in the future.

She retrieved the phone and sat back down before reading the message that came through.

 _ANONYMOUS TEXT: I haven't finished up yet, but I came across some information you may be interested in regarding another person we spoke about._

Alex assumed she knew who that was, but also wasn't sure if she was interested. Before she had a chance to respond though, she got a second message.

 _ANONYMOUS TEXT: Don't worry about Benson. Just keep the phone out of her sight. I know she's not there right now. I won't contact you if I think she's around. Meet me Sunday night at 10 pm. Same place._

"Hm, he didn't even ask if I was interested," Alex thought to herself before responding.

 _ALEX: 10pm on a Sunday may be hard to explain to get away._

 _ANONYMOUS TEXT: Tell her it's an emergency at the shelter._

ALEX: _OK. See you then._

Alex put the phone down and realized she hadn't mentioned working at the shelter, though I suppose with what she was asking of him, it was his job to know everything he could about her and her life.

#

Olivia and her squad, along with half of NYPD were out knocking on doors, visiting stores and asking anyone they could on the street if they had seen the missing girl. After hours, nothing had turned up and everyone knew the clock was ticking. The girls parents had been cooperative, and even though they were divorced, there didn't seem to be custody issues or disputes. Still, a close watch was being kept on them.

Olivia returned to the office to track down and watch surveillance footage from local businesses along with Fin while Amanda and Carisi continued to pound the pavement. She left Fin to continue interviewing the parents while she reviewed tape with tech support.

 _*Ringing*_

Olivia looked down to see a familiar, but old, number pop up on her phone.

"Kathy? What's wrong?" Olivia said, assuming it could only be the worst at this time of night.

"Hi Liv," Kathy said. "Don't worry. Elliot and the kids are fine. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Thank God, but it's the middle of the night..." Olivia said.

"I know," Kathy said. "But I knew you would be working. I was watching the news, about the missing girl, and I think I can help."

"Do you know her?" Olivia asked.

"Not exactly, well, kind of," Kathy said. "I'd rather talk in person."

"Ok, it's just Fin and I here," Olivia said. "Do you want to come down?"

"I'd rather not," Kathy said. "Elliot doesn't even know I'm calling. Can we meet someplace for breakfast? I already told El I was meeting a friend in the city in the morning...which is just a few hours from now."

"You're right, it is," Olivia said. "Let me text Alex and let her know. Want to go to the little breakfast place we used to go to all the time and never invite Elliot along to?"

"You know the one," Kathy said, laughing. "By the way, we fully expect an invitation to the wedding."

"VIP section for you, don't worry," Olivia said. "We just need to solidify the date. With Alex getting ready to run for DA things have gotten a bit hectic. By the way, how is he?"

"Elliot is good," Kathy said. "He's even done a little consulting with the FBI lately."

"He mentioned that," Olivia said. "He thinking of doing anyting more permanently?"

"I don't think so," Kathy said. "He doesn't mind working with them for a few weeks or months at a time, but with a grandbaby on the way..."

"Oh my gosh, really? Kathleen, Dickie?" Olivia said, not able to contain her joy.

"Kathleen, but she hasn't told anyone yet, just us, so keep that between us," Kathy said. "At any rate, Elliot is over the moon."

"I bet he is," Olivia said. "Ok, I'll see you around 6 am?"

"Sounds good," Kathy said. "See you then."

#

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	11. Chapter 11

_I know these are coming at you fast. I just wanted to get this one out before bed. Thanks for the comments/reviews. Ya'll are great!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 11**

"Hey, Liv," Alex said, answering the phone. It was early and she was still groggy.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I woke up," Olivia said. It was just before 6 am.

"Don't worry about it," Alex said. "Noah will likely be up soon anyway. We did put him to bed pretty early last night."

"A lot of good that did us," Olivia laughed. "Anyway, I will be home for a bit in a while, but Kathy called and wants to have breakfast."

"Kathy Stabler?" Alex said, curious why Kathy would be calling Olivia.

"Yeah...she...called a few hours ago," Olivia said. "She said she had some info about the missing child, but was concerned about being involved."

"Why wouldn't she just tell you rather than making you wait? I mean, a child is missing," Alex said.

"I know Kathy," Olivia said. "If she thought a few hours wouldn't make a difference, I trust her. Besides, by the time she got to the squadroom it wouldn't have made much difference."

"Ok. What about...," Alex paused. "Is Elliot coming?" She knew there was still a bit of pain the topic of Elliot had for Olivia, they way he just left, even if they had eventually gotten past it. Things were never quite the same though.

"He doesn't know, apparently," Olivia said. "I don't want to speculate, but you remember, Kathy is a nurse and..."

"Understood," Alex said. "Hopefully whatever she knows will help."

"I hope," Olivia said. "We're going off nothing right now and the parents don't seem to be involved. Anyway, I will stop by after to at least change clothes and shower. I have a feeling I'll have another long night ahead of me."

"Ok, I'll make sure the bed is ready so you can nap too. It should be nice and quiet since Noah will be at school and I'll be going to the shelter," Alex said. "I love you. I'm glad you're safe."

"I love you too."

#

Olivia sat in the back booth of the diner she hadn't stepped foot inside in years. She immediately saw Kathy when she walked in and stood up to greet her with a hug.

"It's so good to see you Liv," Kathy said, sitting down. "You look great...and happy."

Olivia smiled. She had a lot of reason to be happy. She had Noah and was going to marry the girl of her dreams soon.

"You look great too," Olivia said. "I swear you look younger every time I see you."

"Well, with most of the kids grown and Elliot retired and home more...lets just say the Stabler household is a bit less stressful than it used to be," Kathy said. "Anyway, I'll get to the point because I know time is of the essence for you. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you over the phone. It's just..."

"Don't worry about it, I trust you had your reasons," Olivia said.

"So the child, Bridgette, she..." Kathy paused. "Well, she's our grandchild. Technically. Or, I guess, biologically speaking."

"I'm sorry, she's what?" Olivia said, not quite comprehending what Kathy was saying.

"Listen, Liv, you can't...Elliot doesn't even know," Kathy said. "Bridgette is Dickie's daughter."

"I didn't know, I mean, the parents didn't mention there being a different father," Olivia said. "I'm just confused."

"Long story short, while Dickie was in the military, after high school, he met Lynn, the mom. She was still married to..." Kathy blanked on his name.

"Jacob?"

"Yes, Jacob," Kathy said. "Anyway, Dicke and Lynn had an affair while Lynn and Jacob were married. I only found out about it about a year and a half ago. That affair produced Bridgette."

"Is Dickie involved in her life?" Olivia asked. She couldn't imagine Dickie wouldn't want to be or why Elliot wouldn't be in the loop.

"So, here's where it gets tricky," Kathy said. "He does know. Lynn told him, but begged him not to say anything. Dickie was young, in the military and didnt find out for months afterwards. He agreed because he was struggling with some alcohol issues at the time, was unsure what life after the Army would look like and believed that Lynn and Jacob would provide a good home. He never even told me and his dad."

"So how did you find out?" Olivia asked.

"You know how Dickie had that rare bone density mutation, every high bone density?" Kathy said.

"You mean like when he fell off the roof of your shed and miraculously didn't' break any bones?" Olivia laughed.

"Exactly," Kathy said. "IT doesn't mean bones can't be broken, just that it's harder than for the average person. It's rare but not entirely unheard of. Except, in all my years at the hospital, I've only come across it one other time, besides Dickie...that is until..."

"A year and a half ago," Olivia finished her sentence.

"Bingo. So Brigette is admitted to the hospital where I work. She'd been in a car accident with her mom and grandma," Kathy said. "Anyway, we were looking through her charts, checking her out, because aside from bruising, she hadn't broken a single bone. The way everything was explained, and the bruise patterns, it just seemed nuts that she hadn't...until we started looking at the bone density.

"At any rate, I commented that Dickie was the same way and didn't' think more about it...until we took Bridgette down to the room where her mom, Lynn, was and I recognized her as a 'friend' I'd seen Dickie with a time or two. I did a little math and..."

"Made the connection?" Olivia asked.

"I actually did a little more," Kathy said. "I texted Dickie and vaguely questioned him, but it was clear if he knew anything, he wasn't giving it up. I figured if she was his daughter, then Lynn simply hadn't told him and I was angry."

"But he did know, right?"

"He did," Kathy said. "But me, not knowing that, I...did something I shouldn't have. I got a DNA swab from Bridgette, took it home, find something of Dickie's, and did a home DNA paternity test. It was really a major violation of my job as a nurse."

"Wow," Olivia said. "So that's how you found out."

"Yeah, it came back a match and even though those at-home ones can't be 100% conclusive, I then confronted Dickie again about it, demanding he confront Lynn," Kathy said. "That's when he told me he'd know all along and explained why."

"That's...wow," Olivia said, still unsure what to say.

"I wasn't happy about his decision, but it was his to make," Kathy said. "And I could be fired for what I did, stealing DNA from a patient for a paternity test."

"Well, I mean...I can't say I wouldn't...or haven't...done the same thing," Olivia said, recalling when she ran her own DNA against the database to find Simon.

"I guess we all have those gray moments at times," Kathy said.

"Alex and I were just talking about that," Olivia said. "But, back to Bridgette, you don't think Dickie is involved do you?"

"I don't and you know I'd tell you if I did," Kathy said. "He's been in Virginia for months. Dating a good girl and just, life seems good for him. But..."

Kathy paused and Olivia waited patiently for the hammer.

"Lynn's mother, Bridgette's grandmother contacted him a while back, asking for money," Kathy said. "It was after Lynn and Jacob split up. Apparently her propensity to cheat has continued."

Kathy continued, "Anyway, Dickie gladly send money, as he's done ever since getting a steady job. He always sends to grandma as I think she's the only person in Lynn's life that seems to know about him. Then grandma passes it along as a 'gift' from her so Jacob never knew.

"The thing about it is...Dickie told his girlfriend about Bridgette because well, I think he wants to marry her someday and doesn't want any secrets. She has encouraged him to seek a relationship with her and I think Dickie finally mentioned something to grandma about it. I don't know how far he was willing to go as far as serving papers. He doesn't want to uproot her life from NYC, him living in Virginia, but I think he decided he would like to be in her life. Someday Dickie will move back here probably. His girlfriend is from New York, upstate, so it makes sense."

Olivia was beginning to understand. "So you think Lynn and her mother may have done this...as a way to keep her from Dickie? I mean, unless they fake her death, eventually he'd know she was found I assume."

"I don't know," Kathy said. "But I know Lynn, as perfect as she seems in person, is not to be trusted, nor is her mother. I don't think they would hurt her, but..."

"They may go to any lengths to keep their secret," Olivia said. "And with Jacob and Lynn going through a divorce, even as friendly as it seems at the moment..."

"I don't know, Liv, but I thought you should know," Kathy said. "And if there is any way to keep me, Dickie, out of this..."

"I'll do my best, but..."

"I know. You have to do your job," Kathy said. "And now I have a very uncomfortable conversation to have with Dickie about finally telling his father. It'll just be one more thing for them to not see eye-to-eye on. I should have never kept it from him."

"How are they? Dickie and Elliot?"

"Better than ever," Kathy said. "But still, so much alike it makes it hard for them not to. butt heads. You know how Elliot is about kids. He's gonna hit the roof when he finds out."

"Well, you know you can call if you need anything," Liv said. "I'll call you if I need any more info or if I have to reveal this information to give you a heads up."

"Thank you, Olivia," Kathy said. "Just find her and bring her home safe. I may not have ever gotten to know her outside of the one time at the hospital, but...she is family."

"And you're our family," Olivia said. "We'll do everything possible. Give Elliot my love."

"I will," Kathy said. "He's in the city a bit more, doing his thing with the FBI. I'm surprised he hasn't stopped by. He mentioned it a while back. I'll tell him he should."

"I would love to see him," Olivia said.

#

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	12. Chapter 12

_Thanks everyone for reading. We'll get some answers soon, I promise :)_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 12**

After a short nap and seeing Alex, Olivia returned to the precinct. She briefed Fin on her conversation with Kathy and asked him to have the squad start looking more into Bridgette's mom and grandma, but cautioned to keep it as low key as they could for the time being.

"What did you find out?" Liv asked Amanda and Carisi when she arrived back.

"Are you sure about your information because from what we can tell, Lynn is as straight as an arrow," Carisi said. "Liz, her mom, is too. In the choir at church, volunteers at the nursing home, baby sits Bridgette so Lynn and Jacob don't have to pay for daycare."

"I'm...100% sure there is more to the story," Olivia pushed back. "This person wouldn't have come to me if it wasn't legitimate."

"Who is this mystery source, can we ask?" Amanda said.

"I kept the names out of it," Fin explained, nodding to Olivia. "I was hoping we'd find something first."

Olivia nodded. She didn't mind if they knew, but she always appreciated Fin having her back.

"Kathy Stabler."

"Stabler? Like..." Carisi started but Amanda cut him off.

"Elliot Stabler," Amanda said. "You're old partner."

Liv nodded again. "Dickie, their oldest son is Bridgette's biological father, but Jacob doesn't know. Obviously something that could impact their pending divorce."

"Wow, you think you know someone," Carisi said. "I mean, even for a couple getting divorced, you'd never know it. They act like a couple still and she's been keeping this secret all these years?"

"And it's not our secret to share unless we have to," Olivia reminded them. "Elliot doesn't even know yet."

"Ouch," Amanda said. "From what I know of him..."

"Yeah, Stabler isn't gonna take that news well," Fin finished.

"At any rate, that's a Stabler-family issue," Olivia said, redirecting them back to the case. She wasn't in the mood to go down memory lane about Elliot. "Our interest is figuring out if this has anything to do with Bridgette's disappearance and finding her safely. If Lynn and Liz are the people Kathy believes them to be, someone in their life knows about it. Find that person. And they may not be at the church."

"Actually...," Carisi said, holding his finger up to indicate he had a thought. "You know, at least in my church growing up, there was always that one lady who knew all the gossip. Mrs. Mercurio. Now, she'd never flat out share it, but she'd disguise spreading it as 'prayer requests.' You know, 'We all need to keep Mary in our prayers as she fights to overcome the temptation of addition.' Boy, when Aunt Mary heard that, I thought she was gonna beat up old Mrs. Mercurio. All because she went out with some old college friends one night, probably had a bit too much wine and some one from the church saw her. But it didn't matter what it was. Nothing was off limits for this lady."

"Well, then find Mrs. Mercurio, or whoever that person is in their church and see what you can dig up," Olivia said. "Fin, have we run financials yet?"

"Just on Lynn and Jacob," he said. "Nothing unusual, except for the amount of shoes she buys."

"Hey, a girl's gotta have her shoes," Amanda said, smiling. "You should see my closet."

"Alex's too," Olivia said, rolling her eyes. "I'll call Stone and get a warrant, but we need to do the same on grandma to see what else she could be hiding besides Dickie's Christmas and Birthday money for Bridgette."

#

The entire day and had passed and so far, SVU was no closer to finding Bridgette. Time was ticking down and Olivia was praying the child was safe and that Kathy was right.

"Hey, I thought you could use some dinner."

Olivia looked up to see Alex standing in the doorway with a bag of Chinese take-out.

"I brought Noah along too, but he got distracted by Carisi showing him his handcuffs," Alex said.

"Of course he did," Olivia said. "He went through a phase where I couldn't keep him away from mine. I had to start locking them up with my gun when he cuffed himself to the chair once and dropped the key out of reach. I also got him a plastic pair that seemed to satisfy him for a while, as much as I hate the idea of him wanting to be a police officer."

"He's young," Alex said. "He'll change his mind a few dozen more times. I think he has about 16 times this week alone."

"Thanks for dinner," Olivia said, standing up to greet her fiance with a kiss. "I didn't even realize the time."

"I figured, and I knew you wouldn't leave until you either found her or fell asleep on your desk," Alex said. "Any leads turning out?"

"A few more piece, but I don't know if we're any closer or not," Olivia said.

"What did Kathy want to talk about this morning?" Alex said. "Things were so rushed, I didn't have much of a chance to talk to you."

Olivia filled Alex in on all the details Kathy gave her about Dickie and Lynn and what Kathy suspected.

"Wow, so the girls father, or well, the man she believes is her father has no idea Dickie is the biological dad?" Alex asked.

"Apparently not," Olivia said.

"And Elliot doesn't know?" Alex asked.

"No, although I think Kathy was going to tell him now," Olivia said. "It's their family, but I can't imagine keeping a secret like that. I'm a little surprised Kathy did."

"Maybe she knew how he would react?" Alex said. "And it's not like we all don't keep secrets, you included."

"I know, but I guess the older I've gotten, I've realized it just never turns out well," Olivia said. "Elliot is going to be livid and for once, I don't blame him. If my spouse kept something like that from me for this long..."

Alex sat quietly, nervously, her guilty conscious weighing on her.

"I'm sure Kathy had her reasons," Alex said.

"I'm sure she did, and probably because of his reaction or because she broke hospital rules, but I mean, if you can't trust your partner...it's time to get a new one...that's what Elliot said to me once," Olivia said, recalling a time Elliot said those same words to her. Trust was important to him.

"I'm just saying, maybe Kathy felt like it wasn't her secret to share, that it was Dickie's," Alex said. "Or maybe she just needed some time to figure things out."

"It's been a year-a-half that she's known," Olivia said. "Don't get me wrong, I love Kathy. In fact, I've always liked her more than Elliot, it's just..."

"Trust is important," Alex said. "I get it."

"I mean, look at us, everything we've been through," Olivia said. "Not sharing things, keeping secrets, not communicating put us off track for so long. Only now that we've been able to just be honest, communicate and hopefully not keep any secrets, we've been able to get where we are now. Like I said, secrets just never seem to turn out well."

Alex nodded, knowing she wouldn't win this discussion and knowing that she had no right to win it. Olivia was right and she knew it.

#

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: See at end and thanks for reading._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 13**

It was 4am before Olivia got home Saturday morning. Bridgette had been - miracuously - returned home by an unknown alleged kidnapper, though SVU suspected it had more to do with the fact they were getting closer to having evidence to prove Lynn's lies. They would, of course, but Olivia could sleep knowing the little girl was safe at the hospital for now. They were going to observer her over the weekend to make sure there was no harm.

Alex was up waiting with tea when Olivia came home. As tired as Olivia was, Alex knew she'd need a few minutes to decompress when she got home.

"Thanks for the tea," Olivia said, sinking into the couch, her hands around the warm mug. "Decaffeinated?"

"Yep," Alex said. "I figured you'd need something to drink, but also would want to sleep right away. So, Bridgette is ok?"

"It appears she is physically ok, but I wonder about the emotional effects on her," Olivia said. "She said the man let her play video games and while she seemed to know something was wrong, she didn't feel particularly scared of him. Only upset he wouldn't let her call her parents. But when she's older and realizes she was kidnapped - either through her mother's doing or some other reason - that's going to be hard on her."

"What was the long game for mom?" Alex said.

"We're still figuring that out, and trying to prove she set it up," Olivia said. "Amanda believes Mom was trying to avoid her secret coming out and buy herself time with the divorce proceedings. They found evidence it looked like she may be planning to leave town, so maybe it was to delay court proceedings until she could vanish with Bridgette."

"There just has to be other ways for people to deal with stuff," Alex said.

"Well, secrets make people do crazy things," Olivia said. "But I mean, what kind of person puts someone they love through that?"

Alex nodded.

"Anyway, we'll figure it all out...after we sleep," Olivia said. "I sent everyone home, told them not to be back until Monday. Except for Fin who is going to check in with the hospital staff this weekend as needed."

"That's a good idea," Alex said. She turned her head when she heard Noah coughing in the background from his bedroom. "I'll get it. It started coughing a little last night and I gave him some medicine. No fever or anything."

"Thank you," Olivia said. She finished her tea and laid back on the couch.

Alex got up and went to give Noah some more medicine and check in on him. She tucked him back him and sat quietly to make sure he was ok before returning to Olivia.

She was sleepy, having been up most of the night both waiting for Olivia and trying to figure out how to come clean to her. It wasn't anything devastating, but Alex had kept something from Olivia. Once the election come up and her fears of it being made public dawned on her, she realized she needed to consider what else may be out there...for both of them.

She decided the night before, after Olivia's lecture about trust, that she needed to just tell Olivia and deal with the consequences. She knew Olivia wouldn't leave her for it, but they had finally hit a smooth sailing spot in their relationship, a relationship that had been rocky over the years, and Alex had only wanted to protect that.

"Liv," Alex said as she turned to the living room. "I need to talk to you about something."

Silence. Olivia was asleep, head rested on the side of the couch and snoring.

"It is 4 in the morning," Alex mumbled to herself and then sighed. She'd just have to tell her later in the day.

#

"Alex, honey, have you taken any medicine? It sounds like you have the same thing Noah does," Olivia said.

It was Saturday afternoon and everyone in the Benson-Cabot household had been sleeping most of the day. Olivia because she had been up too many hours to count, and Noah and Alex because they had apparently taken a cold.

"We're running low and I wanted to make sure Noah had enough," Alex said. "I was going to run out this evening to get more."

"That's sweet of you, but you're both going to need more," Olivia said. "I'm awake and rested. I"ll take care of it. I was going to run by the hospital anyway to check on Bridgette."

Alex nodded. She was groggy and felt terrible.

"If it's ok, I'm going to take your vehicle," Olivia said. "I'm nearly out of gas and I was so tired when I left the office, I left my purse and wallet there. I'm gonna pick it up too."

"Ok," Alex said. "They're in my purse by the door."

Olivia leaned down and kissed Alex on the forehead. "I love you. I'll be home soon and hopefully you and Noah can both get to feeling better."

"I love you," Alex said.

Olivia went to retrieve the keys from Alex's pursue, but had trouble finding them. She muttered about all the crap Alex carried around with her. She looked at her watch and realized she'd need to stop at the pharmacy first since they closed at 6 p.m. and would need money to do that. She just took Alex's entire pursue, figuring she'd fish the keys out once she got into the SUV and could use their shared bank card for the things she needed to buy.

After stopping at the pharmacy, she drove over the the hospital, which was nearby, stopping along the way to get a small stuffed animal for Bridgette from the gift shop. When they initially began searching for her, she noticed all the stuffed animals she kept on her bed. Olivia hoped it would make the girl feel a bit more comfortable at the hospital.

"Amanda, what are you doing here? I thought Fin coming by today," Olivia said when she saw her blonde detective hanging out in Bridgette's room, watching TV with the girl. "Where is everyone?"

"Well, Ken called and asked Fin to babysit and since Murphy is in town, he took Jesse for a while today. So I told Fin to go spend time with his family," Amanda said. "In fact, I'm just checking in on Murphy and Jessie now. It's a little overwhelming for him."

Olivia laughed. "I'm sure."

"Bridgette and I here were just talking about our favorite cartoons. Can you believe she's never seen Bugs Bunny?" Amanda said.

"Really?" Olivia said, looking toward Bridgette.

"I know who he is, I just never saw it on TV," the girl replied.

"Listen, I'm gonna go talk to my boss for a bit, will you be ok until I'm back," Amanda asked.

"Yes, but I'm changing the channel from this dumb TV show," Bridgette laughed. So did Amanda and Olivia before exiting the room.

"It seems like you've made a friend," Olivia said. "How is she?"

"She's ... ok," Amanda said. "I think she's confused about what happened, but Liv, she's such a good kid. I can't imagine how a mother could do this to her own daughter, even if it wasn't real."

"Speaking of mom...where is she?" Olivia asked.

"She said she had errands she needed to run, right after Jacob left and Lynn said she'd be here the rest of the night," Amanda said. "Probably working on covering her tracks. I couldn't bear Bridgette staying here alone after what she went through so I just decided to stick around, see if I could get any more details out of her without an interrogation."

"Good idea," Olivia said. "I guess Lynn's true colors and priorities are slowly coming out. Well, thank you for being here. But you know it's not your responsibility to babysit...especially when you are away from your own child."

"It's fine," Amanda said. "It's good for Declan to have that time with Jessie anyway and if I wasn't here, I'd probably just be at a bar."

"OK, well, I have to run by the precinct to get my purse and then head home," Olivia said.

"Uh, Liv, you're carrying a purse," Amanda pointed out.

"Oh! I forgot. No, this is Alex's. I needed money to get the medicine, anyway, I almost forgot," Olivia said. She reached in and pulled out the stuffed animal she picked up on the way into the hospital. "This is for Bridgette."

"She loves stuffed animals," Amanda said.

"I figured after seeing her room," Olivia said.

"Hey, I think your phone just buzzed," Amanda said.

Olivia reached into her pocket and shook her head. "Not me."

"It's not me," Amanda said, looking confused. Then a second buzz happened. "I think it's coming from your purse. Or well, Alex's purse."

Olivia reached inside, confused because Alex always had her phone with her. She couldn't imagine she tossed it in her purse and left it. Olivia pulled it out and saw two text message alerts.

 _Something came up and I have to leave town tomorrow morning so I can't meet you tomorrow night._

 _I know Olivia is out now. Can you sneak away once she's home? 9 p.m. at the same spot. I promise it's worth it._

A confused look came across Olivia's face as she stared at the phone. Alex had cleared the previous messages off the phone, but these two were right there in front of her from a number Olivia didn't recognize on a phone she knew wasn't Alex's.

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked. She didn't want to pry too much. "Is that Alex's phone?"

"No..." Olivia said.

"Ok, why was it in her purse?" Amanda asked. "What'd the message say?"

"I think, um, I need to go," Olivia said, clearly shaken and unsure what to make of the messages.

"Liv, wait...what did it say? Is Alex ok?" Amanda said.

Olivia stopped. She had made a concerted effort to be friends with Amanda to some degree and trust her more, but this was potentially personal.

"Look, whatever is on that phone is between us," Amanda said, reaching out and waiting for Olivia to respond.

Olivia finally handed it to her. Amanda read them a few times, also with a confused look, and then swiped through the rest of the phone.

"There's nothing else on this phone," Amanda said. "I mean, if it wasn't Alex, I'd swear it wasn't someone's burner phone. And if they hadn't mentioned you by name in the text, I'd assume it wasn't even Alex's phone."

Olivia took the phone back and continued to stare at it.

"What are you going to do?" Amanda said. "You have to confront her."

"I...I don't know," Olivia said. "I mean, yes, I will. There has to be a reasonable explanation for this."

"I'm sure there is, Liv," Amanda said. "I mean, this is Alex we're talking about."

"Yeah, you're right," Olivia said. "I'm sure it's nothing. Probably work related."

Amanda nodded. She wasn't sure she believed it was nothing, and she knew Olivia didn't fully believe that either, but she wanted to be supportive.

"I'm gonna go," Olivia said. "Thank you for being here. Oh, and tell Murphy hello and not to be such a stranger when he's in town next time."

#

Olivia drove to the precinct to get her own purse then back home. She wasn't sure how to confront Alex or what to even say. She put the two messages back to unread and the phone back in the purse. Perhaps she'd see if Alex went out for her mysterious meeting that night before confronting her.

* * *

 _A/N: We're so close. Consider this like the episode before the big reveal. I just don't have time to get out all out tonight before my midnight shift at work starts. But you'll get the payoff tomorrow with Alex's secret and then some follow up on the Stabler's, Bridgette, and the upcoming election before I wrap this story up. Thanks for being patient with it._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	14. Chapter 14

_Ok, you get answers here as to Alex's secret and her mystery person...See, I told you it'd be tonight._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 14**

Alex forced herself out of bed and to the couch when she hear Olivia come come. She was feeling a little better but still coughing a lot, though the couch medicine should help, she thought.

"How was Bridgette?" Alex asked.

Olivia made her way over to the couch, pulling out the medicine, sitting down Alex's purse on the coffee table and sat down, silently pouring Alex's medicine into the cup.

"She's good," Olivia said. "Amanda is with her until Mom returns, but we also have a uni keeping an eye to make sure they don't take off. Of course, Mom thinks it's to make sure the 'kidnapper' doesn't return."

Alex nodded, noting Olivia's quiet demeanor, but assumed she was either still tired from the marathon past few days or getting sick too.

"I'm going to get Noah some medicine and check in on him," Olivia said. "Do you need anything else?"

Alex shook her head. "Thank you, Liv," she said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Olivia didn't say anything, she just retreated to Noah's room and left Alex alone, but she couldn't keep her mind off those messages. She didn't necessarily believe Alex was cheating, though she did have a lot of new people in her life now and more free time with her volunteer job at the shelter. But Olivia's mind kept going back to worrying if the mystery person wasn't one of Alex's old bosses with the ICC, someone trying to woo her away with a job. Olivia had trouble believing Alex would just leave again, leave her and Noah, their engagement, but ... it's not like it wasn't a pattern for her. Of course, maybe it was a temporary thing since Alex wasn't working at the DA's office anymore, but then why would Alex keep it secret from her?

Alex, in the other room, grabbed her purse, realizing it had been with Olivia all day and worrying about whether or not Oliva would see the phone. When she saw the new messages on the screen, her heart stopped for a minute. Had Olivia heard them? They were marked unread, but...

Alex shook her head, trying to ignore that possibility while she read the messages.

Could she meet tonight? What would she tell Olivia? She couldn't continue lying to Liv and she knew it. She planned to fess up this afternoon, but if the information was ready for her, perhaps her conversation could wait until she had back what she was looking for.

#

Amanda returned home to Jessie after leaving the hospital. Declan and Jessie were coloring and Amanda laughed thinking of Declan coloring with a small child while doing whatever the hell it was he does during the rest of his days.

"Hey, how's the girl?" he asked when Amanda came into the living room.

"She's ok, considering," Amanda said. "But I'm starving. I was going to order some takeout. You're welcome to join me and Jessie for dinner."

"I, uh, have a thing later tonight, but..." Declan paused and looked at his phone. "I haven't heard back to confirm."

"Ok, well, it's up to you," Amanda said. "We can get food and if you have to leave, I'll just have leftovers."

"Ok," he said. "Also...I know I said I was going to be around a few more days, but...something came up and I have to leave town first thing in the morning."

"Oh," Amanda said. "Well, ok. At least you got to see Jessie for a few days."

"I"ll be back soon, Amanda. It couldn't be avoided," he said.

"It's ok. Really. We do just fine the rest of the time here without you," Amanda said. "And I don't mean that to sound bitter. Really, Declan, it's ok. I know you have work."

Murphy nodded, appreciated her understanding, but still feeling guilty for leaving earlier than planned.

"What do you have going on tonight, anyway," Amanda asked, casually. Something about his demeanor seemed off.

"Ah, just, you know, have to meet a contact," he said.

"What time?" Amanda asked.

"9 p.m.," he said.

"And you said you're leaving first thing tomorrow?" Amanda said.

"Yes," he said. "Why the questions?"

Amanda stared at him. Could it be he was Alex's mystery texter? Why wouldn't she tell Olivia about that. It all made sense though. The burner phone. The meeting. Leaving town. But why?

"I'm just curious," Amanda said. Jessie ran back to her room to get a new game and Amanda started cleaning up the crayons she'd been using.

Declan stared at her, trying to read her to see if she knew anything, but he couldn't tell. They both just watched each other watching the other.

"You SOB. It's you, isn't it?" Amanda finally said, figuring the way he was watching her said he knew that she knew something.

"Well, I am me, yes," he said. "But otherwise, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're the one that texted Alex," she said.

Declan shrugged. He knew he was busted, but it didn't mean he had to talk.

"Why?" Amanda said. "Liv saw your text today and is probably having a blow out fight with Alex right now."

"That's of no concern to me," he said. "Alex should have hid her phone better."

"But why is she meeting you? What are you doing for her?" Amanda asked.

"Amanda, you know I don't talk about my work," he said.

"Your work? So this is work related?" Amanda said.

"Not exactly. But she asked me for some info and I'm providing it to her," he said.

"And you told her not to tell Olivia. Why?" she said.

"She made that choice. I suggested, but what they decided to share with each other is between them, not me," he said.

"So help me, Declan, if whatever you're doing is going to hurt Olivia..." Amanda said, until he cut her off.

"It's not," he said. "You know I'd do anything for Olivia - I have proved that. I'm simply providing information to Alex that is already out there...about both her and Olivia."

"Well, if Alex doesn't come clean today, you're going to need to fix this, but I've never seen Olivia happier than with Alex," Amanda said.

Just then, Declan's phone buzzed.

 _I'll figure something out. See you at 9._

He looked up and Amanda grabbed his phone to read the message.

"Fix it," she said.

#

"Liv? What are you thinking for dinner?" Alex said. Olivia had been reading in the bedroom since coming home and checking on Noah. "I was planning soup, but if you want something more..."

"Soup is fine," Olivia said, never looking up.

"Ok," Alex said. "I'm starting to feel a little better. Thanks for picking up the medicine."

"No problem," Olivia said, again, not looking up.

"I thought during dinner, since Noah will probably be zonked out again, we could just uh, catch up," Alex said. "We haven't seen each other much the last few days."

"Ok," Olivia said.

"Also...I may have to run out tonight for a few minutes," Alex lied. "Just stop by the shelter and see one of the clients who is leaving tomorrow."

Olivia didn't respond. She was silently seething at Alex's lie.

"But I am looking forward to dinner," Alex said. "And filling you in on some stuff going on with my campaign."

Olivia just nodded to acknowledge what Alex said.

"Ok, well, dinner should be done soon," Alex said. "I'll let you know."

"I can fix it if you prefer," Olivia said. "I know you're not feeling well."

"No, it'll do me good to get up and be moving around," Alex said. "Give me 20 to 30 minutes."

Alex left the room and Olivia closed her book. Whatever it was, there had to be a good reason, she kept reminding herself.

#

"Liv, dinner is ready," Alex said gently knocking and pushing the bedroom door open.

She was going to come clean and be honest about what she was having Declan do and why. Of course, she realized, other than protecting Olivia - and her own self - she never had a good reason to keep it from her.

Olivia joined her at the table, as Alex brought over the larger salad bowl to join their soup bowls.

"It looks great," Olivia said. "Thank you for dinner."

"You've been taking care of me and Noah all day," Alex said.

The both sat quietly eating for a few minutes before Alex finally spoke up.

"So you know I've been working more on the campaign lately," Alex said. "You know, strategy and stuff and like we talked about, what the DA may throw my way."

"Uh huh," Olivia said.

"So, I've been pulling things together and having some meetings and stuff about the best way to tackle anything that may come up," Alex said.

"Are you really that worried about anything?" Olivia said. "I mean, Alex, I've known you 20 or so years and I can't think of anything."

"Well, I mean, there isn't anything that I can't defend...but, you know how politics is," Alex said. "And, you know, it may not just be me that's a target."

"What do you mean?" Olivia said.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Both women gave each other a confused look.

"Are you expecting anyone?" Alex asked.

Olivia shook her head and got up to answer the door. When she opened it, she was surprised by who she saw.

"Amanda? What's wrong? Is Bridgette ok?" Olivia said, seeing Amanda and Jessie.

"Bridgette is fine," Amanda said. "I actually have someone with me that you all are probably going to want to talk to."

Alex bit her lip, knowing what was coming as Olivia stood there perplex as Declan Murphy came around from behind Amanda.

"Murphy?" Olivia said.

"Sorry to just drop in," he said, head hung low.

"Come in," Olivia said. "I'd offer you dinner, but we're just having soup. Something to drink?"

"No, thank you," he said.

"Noah feeling better?" Amanda asked, nodding toward Jessie.

"A little," Olivia said. "He's laying low in his room watching movies."

"Jessie, why don't you go check on Noah and watch TV with him," Amanda said to Jessie, nudging her toward Noah's room.

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused about what's going on," Olivia said. "It's good to see you, though, Murphy."

"Actually, Liv, I should explain," Alex said. "Or well, that's what I was trying to explain..." she paused for a moment. "I asked Murphy to get some intel for me for the campaign."

"The texts messages. They were from you," Olivia said, beginning to understand.

"You saw them?" Alex said.

"We both did," Amanda said. "And then when Declan mentioned leaving town tomorrow and possibly having a meeting later tonight...I put things together."

"What is going on? Why wouldn't you just tell me what you were doing?" Olivia said, looking to Alex.

"Liv, don't be mad at Alex," Declan said. "I asked her not to say anything to you."

Alex sighed. "I asked him to dig into me...and you...as if he was doing work for my opponent, the DA, so I could head anything off in advance," she said.

"You asked Declan to investigate me?" Olivia asked, shaking her head. "Why wouldn't you just ask me? I mean, I'm pretty sure all of my garbage has been played out in public. You already knew that."

"Because you and I both know you're a good person and a good cop, but I wanted to see how it could be painted by an opponent and not through our bias," Alex defended herself. "But to be honest, this was less about you and more about me. I was worried about a few things, things I haven't even told you about, and I wanted to see if he could find it. I figured if Murphy couldn't find it, the DA couldn't."

"I assume you're talking about the incident in Georgia," Declan said. "I did find it, but to be honest, I'd be shocked if anyone else could."

"What incident in Georgia?" Olivia asked Alex. "The country or the state?"

"Listen, I'm only here because Amanda told me about you finding the text messages," Declan said. "So I wanted to bring the info you asked for...and a little more. And because, Olivia, I want you to know I didn't want to start trouble. I just cautioned Alex that it would be better for you not to worry about this until we knew how much exposure either of you would have from this."

"No, don't make excuses for me, Murphy," Alex said. "I should have told her from the start. Trust is important." She made eye contact with Olivia, pleading for some forgiveness.

"I think the rest is for them to figure out," Amanda said. "Give them the information."

Murphy handed over three envelopes. One with Alex's name. One with Olivia's name. One with the DA's name. Alex took it and came him a confused look.

"I didn't ask for this," she said. "In fact, I specifically didn't want to play dirty politics with him."

"I know, but...he's probably going to play dirty," Declan said. "And he'll twist the facts about things that are known and unknown. Use it or don't, but at least you'll have the ammunition. Or grounds for possible removal from office and/or arrest. Either way, you want to see it so you know who you're dealing with."

Everyone stood silently, trying to comprehend everything that had just happened. Amanda excused herself to go get Jessie.

"I'll see my way out now," Declan said. "Liv, it's always good seeing you, I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances."

"It's ok," Olivia said. "You were just doing a job." She glared at Alex.

Declan nodded and when Amanda returned, the three of them exited. As Olivia was about to close the door, Amanda stopped.

"Liv, I know trust is big for you, but...just remember Alex makes you happy, ok? We all make mistakes," Amanda said.

"Some more than others," Olivia said. "But thank you."

She closed the door and turned to see Alex still standing in the middle of the room, envelopes still in hand, and blue eyes pleading with her.

"Liv..."

"What happened in Georgia?" Olivia said flatly.

"Liv, it was in witness protection, right after I testified against Connors and was moved," Alex said.

"What happened in Georgia?" Olivia said again.

"An accident," Alex said. "A terrible accident that I should have told you about years ago, but was afraid."

"Tell me now. What happened in Georgia?" Olivia said, voice raising.

"It was an accident, Liv," Alex said. "I...I killed someone."

"You..what?" Olivia said. "Who?"

"An intruder," Alex said, starting to cry. "Or what I thought was an intruder. I didn't know, Liv. I didn't now."

"Didn't know what?" Olivia asked.

"I killed a police officer."

* * *

 _I know you want more and you'll get it tomorrow, but I have to go to work. I got out as much as I could tonight and I got you the BIG answers. The rest will be the details of Alex's revelation, how it happened, the aftermath, and what else might be in those envelopes, including the DA's._

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	15. Chapter 15

_Ok, you get Alex's story here :) Hope you enjoy._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 15**

" _I killed a police officer."_

Olivia heard the words, but wasn't sure she understood. She was still in shock that this incident took place and Alex had never told her in all these years...and then for it to be a fellow officer.

"You what? Alex, I don't understand," Olivia managed to say.

Alex put her hand to her face and wiped her tears away. She was struggling to know what to say, how to explain it. She nodded for the couch, asking Olivia to come sit down, who agreed and followed Alex.

"When were you in Georgia Alex?" Olivia asked.

"Right after Connors' trial," Alex said.

"I thought you were in Idaho?" Olivia said.

"I was...after Georgia," Alex said. "I was initially relocated to a small city an hour or so from Savannah, but I was only there about a month."

"How did you accidently kill someone, Alex? How do you accidentally kill a police officer? A car wreck?" Olivia said.

Alex shook her head.

"I was there almost three weeks before...this...happened," Alex said, fighting back tears. "I was terrified, Liv. I mean, when the cartel thought I was dead, it was one thing. They wouldn't necessarily be looking for me. But Hammon and the others warned me after the trial that I didn't have that luxury anymore. The cartel would know I was alive and they would have even more reason to want me dead. So, I was terrified because I was all alone."

Olivia nodded. Even behind her anger of Alex keeping secrets, she still was able to express empathy and understanding for Alex's feelings. She couldn't blame her for feeling scared.

Alex continued.

"I rarely left the house in that time," she said. "The Marshall's didn't have a job set up for me just yet, so I had a lot of free time with my thoughts and fears. Anyway, one night I was watching TV, having a couple of glasses of wine and trying to keep my mind off everything when I heard someone at the door.

"My mind went straight to thinking someone was there to kill me," Alex continued. "I grabbed the gun the Marshall's gave me and sat on the couch, turned off the TV and sat quietly as the person continued trying to get into the door. I picked up the phone to call 911, but never had time to say anything before this man barges inside, starts shouting, asking who I am and demanding I put my phone down. I was so rattled and I had no idea who he was. I couldn't even remember my new name, Liv. I just told him 'Alex.' It all happened in a matter of seconds.

"He kept coming at me and then when he reached to his side, I saw he had a gun. I shot him. I thought he was going for his gun. I thought he was going to kill me," Alex said.

"But he broke into your house," Olivia said. "Georgia surely has a stand your ground law and in your own house?"

"Stand your ground wasn't passed until the next year in Georgia, but as shaken as I was, I thought surely I was in the right. I was in my own home afterall," Alex said. "After I shot him, I picked up the phone again, which was still off the hook. I told the operator I shot an intruder, but they had already dispatched someone based on the live line and the disturbance they heard. I sat on the phone with the dispatcher, holding the gun in my hand until sheriff deputies arrived. They immediately recognized him as one of their fellow officers from the city police...and that's when things went downhill."

"Downhill how?" Olivia asked, taking everything in.

"Well, they were obviously suspicious of me, a stranger to town, when their brother was lying dead in front of them," Alex said. "Coupled with the glass of wine on the coffee table and the fact that apparently this 'safe house' the Feds put me in used to be a known drug house. It had been seized by the Feds, but then 'sold' to a private buyer out of state - which was really just another branch of the federal government - the marshalls - so they could use it for a safe house. All the local offices knew is that it had a history of being a drug house."

"But, why was he there?" Olivia said.

"Apparently he had a girlfriend that lived in the neighborhood - he was married - but when he came over always kept an eye on the house," Alex said. "The girlfriend told police, finally, that he was suspicious of the new resident's behavior, as in me, and was convinced drug running was set up in here again. The first couple of weeks, people with the Marshalls had been in and out all hours of the day while things were getting set up. But she didn't spill that initially. I sat in jail for a week."

"A week? Why, you were clearly in the right?" Olivia said.

"Liv, it's a small town in Georgia. The sheriff decided he didn't like this outsider who killed one of his city colleagues. There was the question about how much I had to drink, why I was there, who I was. When I'd tell them my WitSec name, they wanted to know why the dispatcher heard me say the name Alex to the police officer. They wanted to know why Ashley Cohen had little to no record and why she was in town. Even after Hammon showed up, as my attorney at first, they tried to fight him. He didn't trust them to tell them who I was or why I was there at first.

"It wasn't until he got the 911 call where it verified the officer didn't identify himself, nor had he called in and told anyone what he was doing, and finally the girlfriend talked after first denying the relationship since he was married," Alex said.

"Even then, the sheriff was hesitant until Hammond went in there and levelled with him," Alex said. "He threatened them because an off duty officer barged inside, didn't ID himself, had been drinking himself, and never mind the fact that he was engaged in an affair. He threatened to go public with everything about the 'hero' cop killed in their town."

"Wow."

"They released me, dropped charges. There was no way I could stay there, but the Feds also needed a couple of days to set up a new ID for me. Or well, felt like they could take them since the local authorities did their best to keep the details out of the media," Alex said. "But in the days following, I kept getting people driving by, leaving stuff on my lawn, hang up phone calls...let's just say the law enforcement in that town was not thrilled with the sheriff's decision. Called me a cop killer."

"Alex...you know I would never think..." Olivia said, reaching out her hand to Alex who was crying again.

"I know, Liv, but...I don't know. I planned to tell you at some point, but then the time never seemed right and then everything with police officers just got messy in the country and I was afraid...what if...what if you blamed me. Even when we got back together this time, I wanted to tell you, but then I'd keep thinking back to Dodds...Liv, I know police officers being killed is hard on you, hard on all of us who work in or closely to law enforcement. I still get sick when I think about it."

"So you wanted Murphy to see if anyone could find this information?" Olivia asked.

"There's a mugshot of me floating around in Georgia, Liv," Alex said."It's supposed to have been deleted, but...I'm sure the sheriff isn't doing more than he needs to."

"And you're afraid the DA will use this against you if he finds it?" Olivia said.

"Yes," Alex said, nodding. "I mean, can you imagine asking the police union to support someone who killed one of their brothers in blue? Even if it was justified? Can you imagine how this could be twisted to make me unfriendly or biased toward law enforcement?"

"Alex, that's ridiculous," Olivia said. "I mean, you're engaged to a police Lieutenant and you've been nothing but supportive."

"I don't think my detectives over at Major Crimes before I left would agree," Alex said.

"Why?" Olivia asked after a long pause.

"Why what?" Alex said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia said. "Why didn't you trust me? You know me, Alex. Even if you didn't tell me before...you...you went behind my back and asked Murphy to look into this, to look into me, without talking to me about it? Alex, we're supposed to be partners."

"And if you can't trust your partner..." Alex said, repeating Liv's words from days earlier.

Olivia shrugged. She both was heart broken for Alex, for what she went through, but also confused and a little angry Alex didn't trust her or come to her.

"I'm sorry, Liv," Alex said.

"I know you are Alex, but I mean, at what point do we start trusting each other fully?" Olivia said. "I am devastated for what you went through. I'm so sorry you've had to carry this alone for so long. I just...I'm confused about what that means about us."

Alex nodded. "What does it mean for our future?"

Olivia sighed. "Alex, I...I still want to marry you. That doesn't change, but how I feel about you at this moment, I have to admit, is a mixed bag. What else is in those packets? Any other bombshells?"

"Nothing like that," Alex said. "And I don't think anything you don't know."

"What's in mine?" Olivia said.

"I don't know," Alex said. "Like you said, everything about you has been out there."

Olivia nodded. "Are you going to look at the DA's?"

Alex shook her head. "I don't know if I should."

"I will," Olivia said.

"What?"

"I'll look and I'll tell you if it's something that needs to come out," Olivia said.

Alex nodded and pushed the envelopes toward Olivia.

 _Ding._ Olivia's phone buzzed with a text message. She picked up the phone and read the message.

 _Liv, it's Elliot. I'm in the city and was wondering if you'd want to get a drink with an old friend._

Olivia looked at it carefully, peaking Alex's interest.

"Elliot is in the city, wants to get a drink," Liv said.

"You should go," Alex said.

"I don't want to leave you and Noah sick here," Olivia said.

"Liv, I'm feeling better physically and I know you, I know you need some time to process," Alex said. "Go, Elliot probably needs you right now."

"Ok, but Alex, we still have to talk about this...not what you did, but...us," Olivia said. "We'll be ok, just...we need to talk through some things I think."

"I agree," Alex said. "And Liv, thank you for understanding."

"Well, I understand what you did, but I still don't understand why you couldn't tell me," Olivia said. "But I guess we'll talk more about that."

Olivia looked down at the envelopes. "Can I take these when I meet with Elliot? I won't share about Georgia though, don't worry."

"Go ahead," Alex said. "I'll be waiting when you get home."

Olivia grabbed the envelopes and headed toward the door, stopping before leaving.

"Alex, I love you. Nothing changes that," Olivia said.

"I love you, Liv," Alex said.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	16. Chapter 16

_I know some of you all may have wanted an Elliot visit, but we're going to skip to AFTER Olivia talked to him. I may revisit him, but he was more there to give a tie into the current case AND as a red herring so it wasn't completely obvious at first who Alex was texting with._

 _I'm taking tomorrow evening off (most likely - it's been a long week), but then I'll wrap up the case (and we'll see the Stablers again in some capacity) and probably skip ahead a bit to some campaign stuff. We're definitely gonna know exactly what was in that DA's envelope._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 16**

A little over an hour later, Olivia returned home, surprising Alex when she came through the door.

"Hey, you're hope sooner than expected," Alex said, looking up from the couch as Olivia crossed the room. "Did you see Elliot?"

"I did," Olivia said. "He stopped by the hospital just after Amanda left apparently. Kathy told him everything after she talked to me."

"How did that go? Both the hospital and with Kathy?" Alex asked.

Olivia shrugged. "Well, he didn't cause a scene at the hospital. I don't know how it went with Kathy but Elliot seemed calm about it tonight, she said. "But I guess Lynn, Bridgette's mom, was surprised to see him there. He assured her he wasn't there to start anything and didn't let in to her that we suspected her involvement in the kidnapping. Still, I made sure I requested extra patrol officers at the hospital tonight in case she gets freaks out and tries to split."

"And you...how are you? How are we?" Alex said.

After Olivia poured some water she sat down next to Alex on the couch and took the blonde's hand.

"Alex, we're ok and we're going to be better than ok," Olivia said. "Am I still confused and hurt? Yes. Am I still angry? Not so much. Elliot of all people made me realize that just because I'm ready to put everything out there and be comfortable with it, it doesn't mean everyone is. It took me a lot of work to get here and to be honest, I still fail at it. So it'd be hypocritical of me to judge you for not sharing something like this considering I spent most of my life trying to hide the dark parts of myself from people."

Alex nodded, relieved and thankful for Olivia's response.

"Yes, I wish you could have told me, but I can't fathom what you went through in Witness Protection, how hard you must have worked to bury that part of your life," Olivia said.

"Well, you've been through some pretty heinous things, Liv," Alex reminded her.

"Yes, but I never had to stop being Olivia Benson," Olivia said. "And trust me, there are some days I've wished I could. But I've never been forced to really be someone I'm not, to pretend like something didn't exist. The things I've hidden and buried were by my own choice.

"Alex, you were going through a second terrifying period in your life and when a stranger barged in for no apparent reason, you did what you thought you needed to do," Olivia continued. "I hope you know I would never fault you for what you had to do - cop or not. I don't know if this guy was a good cop or bad cop, but he clearly was out of bounds. If it had been a civilian you shot, you'd be the hero in that scenario. A 'good guy with a gun' as they say."

"By all accounts, he was a good man - aside from perhaps the affair - and a good cop, just a little overzealous and determined to put a stop to the drug dealers," Alex said. "I think that's the hardest part - as a whole, he wasn't a bad cop, he just made some bad choices."

"But you need to remember that, Alex, those were his choices," Olivia said. "Everyday I made decisions that could get me or one of my squad killed, both on duty and off duty. I left Dodds alone in that house without checking for weapons. I've ran off half-cocked on missions while I was 'off-duty' that could have killed me. Eric Plummer comes to mind, but you and I both know there are a host of others. Police officers know that, they're trained to know that."

"He had a daughter," Alex said. "Even if he chose to come in the house, I'm the one that pulled the trigger. I"m the one that took a father from his daughter."

"You didn't," Olivia said. "You had every right to protect yourself. He reached toward his weapon - how were you to know he was reaching for a badge instead? All he needed to do was identify himself."

"Yeah, but will all of NYPD and the DA's office feel that way if this ever gets out?" Alex said.

"I think they will," Olivia said. "And remember, a hell of a lot more people vote than police officers and lawyers. I think the average citizen in Manhattan will understand...if it comes to that. The DA would be a fool to try to paint you as anti-law enforcement while cutting deals that get cold-blooded killers out in less than 20 years."

"Do you still trust me?" Alex said.

"Yes," Olivia said. "You had your reasons, Al. And as much as I've fucked up, I realized I owed you that much at least. But..."

Alex took a breath, worried about the 'but.'

"I hope in the future, or if there is anything else like this, that you can trust me; that you know I'm going to support you no matter what," Olivia said. "You, Alex, you and Noah are the two most important people in my life. That means more to me than the thin blue line, even if that matters to me too."

"Thank you," Alex said.

Olivia shook her head. "I overreacted at first," she said. "I always do."

"As do I," Alex said.

"But I took some time to process it and I think we're going to be better for this and I'm sure whatever's in that packet of mine - I haven't opened it yet - is probably going to make me feel pretty vulnerable too. I know you know about it, but you were right to see what was out there so we know how to deal with it."

"I talked to Declan again," Alex said. "I asked him how easy it was for him to find out about the Georgia incident."

"And?"

"Not very," he said. "Not impossible, but he said he'd be surprised if the DA dug it up unless he hired someone with some deep Fed access like Declan has...and he could, but my record was mostly wiped clean in Georgia. He found one tiny note about the county and he didn't recognize it as being from any of my other location assignments - something most people may overlook."

"Well, that's encouraging," Olivia said. She put her arm around Alex and pulled her closer. "How about we go through these together, now. I know I said I'd look at the DA's for you, but maybe we'll save that for a rainy day. Maybe you're right that we don't need to go digging unless absolutely necessary."

"You sure?" Alex said. "I mean, it sounded criminal."

"If lives were in danger - and aren't otherwise being investigated - I know Declan would have said so," Olivia said. "So we can assume no lives are in danger or the DA already has a set of eyes on him - and not yours."

Alex nodded. "Ok, Liv. Let's do this."

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	17. Chapter 17

_Just a short, sweet chapter to get me back into the swing here._

* * *

 **CHAPTER 17**

"I think we got her, Lieu."

Olivia looked up from her desk to see Carisi plowing through the door with a notebook in his hand.

"Lynn?" Olivia asked.

"Get this," Carisi continued. "At the hospital last night, a man came by in the middle of the night asking where Bridgette's room was. Of course it caught the patrol officer's attention and the nurses because they didn't recognize him. Before they could question him, Lynn shows up from down the hall and says it's ok, that he's a family friend. Except, it's not anyone that was on our radar and we looked at all the family and close associates of Lynn and her family. The officer said they were very friendly when they went to Bridgette's room, if you get what I'm saying. Anyway, here's the best part Liv...he signed in at the nurse's station with his real name."

"You're kidding?"

"Nope," he said. "Rollins and Fin were at the hospital anyway, so they're headed over to his place now. I'm going to talk to Stone to see if we can get a warrant to comb his financials and see if I can connect them otherwise."

"Good work," Olivia said. "So, we thinking he stashed Bridgette?"

"Well, thing is, he went into her room with Lynn, so I think given that Bridgette seems to believe she was kidnapped, I'd venture to say it wasn't him, but maybe a buddy because otherwise she'd recognize him as her kidnapper. Which is why I'm hoping Stone can work some warrant magic and see if this guy, Chaz, Charles, or whatever, may have paid someone recently."

"Sounds good. Keep me posted," Olivia said. "I'll call Stone if you want to start digging through his social media, see who his friends are."

Carisi nodded and headed back to his desk while Olivia picked up the phone to call ADA Stone for a warrant.

#

"So now that you have Lynn, what happens to Bridgette?" Alex asked. Olivia had just put Noah to bed after a late dinner and a long day at the precinct and joined Alex in bed.

"Well, we don't technically have her yet, but hopefully we'll tie up the loose ends tomorrow," Olivia said. "Chaz doesn't seem like he'll be hard to crack. Fin rattled him pretty good tonight, so I suspect he's panicking as we speak. Rollins and Carisi are watching him tonight to see if he goes to his guy that helped with the fake kidnapping. As for Bridgette, I don't know. I mean, as far as she's concerned, Jacob is her father. I don't think if and when he learns about Dickie it'll change that or his desire to be her father, even if not biological. But, I suppose Dickie could make a custody case..."

"Do you think he will?" Alex asked.

"I don't know," Olivia said. "He's on his way into town tonight actually. I talked to Kathy and the consensus seems to be that he wants to be involved, but he also believes Jacob has been a good father to Bridgette and doesn't want to cause her any more stress and trauma than his whole thing has already caused and then adding on to her mother likely going to prison."

"Maybe Dickie and Jacob and work something out," Alex said. "I mean, depending on how Jacob takes the news."

"The good thing is that there are adults that care about Bridgette that want what's best for her, regardless of what it is - that includes Jacob and his family, as well as the Stablers," Olivia said. "I think she'll be ok eventually."

"And we're ok?" Alex asked. "You're sure?"

Olivia gave Alex a soft smile and stroked her hair. "Alex, we're more than ok," she said. "In fact, I feel closer to you than ever. I think having gone through those envelopes from Declan together, even if we mostly knew everything, and just talking about it, processing it, make me feel even more connected to you."

"So of the details from...well..." Alex hesitated.

"William Lewis. You can say his name," Olivia said.

"I just...I knew it was bad and we've obviously talked about it, but...seeing the reports, the photos..." Alex sighed, her heart breaking for Olivia just thinking about it.

"Babe, it's ok," Olivia said. "It feels good to just know you know it all. I mean, it's hard to put into words exactly how I felt, but I trust you with it all. And don't be sad for me. I'm a survivor. We both are. I put a lot of work into getting past it and I still have days when I hear something or smell something and it reminds me of it, but...I know I'm strong enough to carry on, and now I have you to help."

"That's why you cringed over the bottle of vodka, isn't it? You know when you moved in and we were making room for everything and I was clearing out the bar. You insisted it was bad even though I was sure you didn't even taste it," Alex said.

Olivia nodded. "It wasn't so much that it was vodka, it was the brand...the same brand," she said. "Although, I can't stand the taste of vodka anymore. Even if it's supposed to be tasteless, I know...you never forget."

"I'm the same way with cheese curds now," Alex said. "When I first got to Wisconsin, everyone insisted I try them and they were everywhere. When I've had them since, all I can think about is that time in my life...when I was Emily and not Alex, when I was terrified."

"We've been through a lot, Alex," Olivia said. "And yet here we are...alive, thriving, and together."

"With a family," Alex said. "And I couldn't be happier."

"Me too," Olivia said. She leaned forward and gave Alex a soft kiss, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist to pull her closer.

Just when things were about to pick up intensity, Olivia's phone dinged with a new text message. The two women laughed.

"Of course," Alex said.

"Hey Siri, read my new text message," Olivia said.

" _Your new text message from Sonny says 'We got them. Chaz went straight to his buddy. Picking up Lynn right now. Stone says we have everything we need to charge them,'" Siri said._

"Wow," Alex said. "That's great. Also, where did you learn that trick with Siri?"

"Noah," Olivia laughed. "He showed me the other day. I think he saw Lucy do it."

"I guess that means you have to go," Alex said, disappointed.

"Actually, I think they can handle this tonight," Olivia said. "Hey Siri, text Sonny."

"What would you like to say to Sonny," Siri asked.

" _If everything is under control, I'm going to wait until morning to come in," Olivia said._

"Sending your message," Siri said.

A few moments later, Olivia's phone dinged again. She rolled over to pick it up this time.

" _Enjoy your evening, Lieu. We'll call if we need anything."_

Olivia returned her phone and reached over to turn out the light before resuming her positing with her arms wrapped around Alex.

"Where were we?" Olivia asked.

"You were about to kiss me again and I was about to show you just how much I love you," Alex said, smirking.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Welp, you all wanted some Noah time, so that's what you got. Enjoy!_

* * *

 **CHAPTER 18**

Olivia leaned against the door frame of the bedroom, cup of coffee in hand and smiled as she watched her beautiful fiancee slowly begin the awakening process. First she'd roll over, put the cover over her head. Then she'd reach out to see if Olivia was still in bed. If she was, Alex would snuggled up to her; if she wasn't, she'd sigh and continue her efforts of sleeping longer. This usually went on for 10 minutes, enough time for Olivia to start the coffee and pour a cup, before Alex would open her eyes.

Olivia just watched, not making a sound during the process. She loved learning Alex's every move and routine. This one was new, since Alex quit the DA's office. Usually she was up and running out the door or grabbing her phone to see what needed to be done for the day, even on her days off. Olivia loved that they were both still changing and that meant they were constantly learning little new things about each other.

"I know you're watching me," Alex finally mumbled before forcing her eyes open. "I can feel your presence."

Olivia smiled and made her way over to the side of the bed.

"I didn't want to wake you before you were through your morning ritual of trying to go back to sleep," Olivia said. "But now that you're awake, I have something for you."

"Please say it's coffee," Alex said.

"It's coffee," Olivia said, her pillows around to help Alex sit up in bed before handing her the mug.

"You are a Godsend," Alex said.

"I don't know about that, but you deserve a little TLC as hard as you've been working at the shelter, on the campaign and our wedding," Olivia said. "Which reminds me, I promised you a full day of help with planning so whatever you want to tackle today, I'm all yours. I can call Lucy to watch Noah if you want."

"Really?" Alex eyes grew wide as she replied.

Olivia laughed. "You seem shocked. I want to help and I know I've been busy with work lately, so I want to make sure I'm putting in my fair share."

"I'm not shocked, I'm just happy," Alex said. "I know you've been so busy lately, I figured you'd want to relax and rest."

"What could be more relaxing than spending a day planning our future with my future wife and best friend," Olivia said. "I mean, if you want to. You've had a lot going on too."

"Ok, this attitude...whatever it is you have going on right now...I like it," Alex said. "And OMG, yes, I want. Except we should bring Noah along too."

"Really?" Olivia said, surprised.

"Yeah, I mean, I know it's you and me getting married, but our day is about creating a family that Noah is just as much a part of," Alex said. "He's been asking a lot of questions about the wedding, even though it's a ways off, and I thought it would be nice to let him help with the planning."

"Let me get this straight...," Olivia said, unsure she was comprehending. "You...Alexandra Cabot...wants a 6-year-old boy to help plan her wedding?"

"Not just any 6-year-old boy...our 6-year-old boy...our son," Alex said. "And while I understand why you are in a state of shock, just remember I've loosed up a bit with age. You and I both know he'll love cake tasting."

"Don't we need an appointment for that?" Olivia said.

"Please, I can make one phone call and have every kind of wedding dessert possible arranged in two hours," Alex said, smirking.

"Ok, there's the Alex Cabot I know," Olivia said, laughing.

"Really though, we've already talked about using Gustavo and he said just to call, give him a couple of hours or so, and he'll put out a tasting sample that will blow our minds," she said.

"OK, so cake tasting it is," Olivia said. "Is it too soon? I mean, we don't plan to get married until after the election."

"It's never too soon for cake tasting and besides, it gives us more time to change our mind and have even more cake tasting," Alex laughed. "I'll send Gustavo a text right now and tell him we'll be ready by the afternoon, whatever time he wants."

"So what are we doing until then?" Olivia asked.

"I thought we could look for an outfit for Noah," Alex said. "Get an idea what he likes."

"You know he'll change his mind before then, and grow like a weed," Olivia said.

"I know, but we've settled on colors and we don't have to decide today," Alex said. "He can have fun trying on different things...like a little fashion model."

"Ha, ok, well, we'll see how that works out, but I love the idea," Olivia said. "It will be good to start visualizing everything."

#

"Ok, Noah, come on out and let's see," Olivia said, waiting for her boy to emerge from the dressing area. He insisted on dressing himself, but once out of the dressing room, he asked one of the staff people for help with his tie before coming out.

"I think this is the one I like," he said as he strolled out, looking far too old and confident in his suit.

"Wowww," Olivia and Alex both said.

"I mean, if that's what you like..." Alex said, reaching over to straighten his hair and then his collar and vest. "I thought you may one that one that was a bit more...casual."

"I like it because it's like what Uncle Raf would wear," Noah said.

"The man did like this three-piece suits," Olivia said. "Are you afraid you'll get hot, or be uncomfortable? It'll be a long day, son."

"But you said I could change after the part where you get married, right? For the party?" Noah asked.

The woman laughed. "Yes, of course," Alex said.

"I like this one," he said, tugging at his blue bow tie to make it slightly straighter.

"Well, if you change your mind..." Olivia started.

"I won't," he said. "But can I wear those shoes?" He pointed to his Chuck Taylors he'd taken off before trying on the dress shoes. "I don't really like these shoes."

"Uh, well, why don't we look for..." Olivia started again, but was again cut off.

"Of course you can, Noah," Alex said. "I mean, as long as your mom is okay with it. We do want you to look nice, but there's not reason you can't look stylish and be comfortable, right Liv?"

"I guess so, but maybe we can buy you a new pair that matches," Olivia said, unsure who had kidnapped her child and who this boy was.

"Yay!" Noah said. "It's like the one in the magazine you showed me, Alex."

Olivia looked at her curiously.

"We may have already gotten a head start to give him some ideas," Alex confessed. "Besides, Chucks with the suit or tux is kind of a in thing right now."

"Are we getting married in Brooklyn?" Olivia joked.

"Wearing Chucks with a suit is not a hipster thing, Olivia, and you know what, so what if it is...if it's comfortable and looks nice, who cares what anyone else things?" Alex said.

"Alright then," Olivia said. "But give me fair warning before you two come out of this Twilight Zone we're in. Also, we're not serving avocado toast at the wedding or drinking out of Mason jars under any circumstance at the wedding."

Alex laughed and leaned over and kissed Olivia on the cheek.

"Deal, but you know, I've been eating avocado toast since before it was cool," Alex said. "And I won't stop, even for you."

Noah left and returned a few minutes later back in his regular clothes, then sat down to put on his shoes.

"Who's ready for cake tasting?" Alex asked.

"Me!" Noah said.

#

Several hours later, Olivia, Alex, and Noah returned home...stuffed and exhausted.

"I have to say, Alex, Gustavo really outdid himself. Every bite of those cakes were amazing," Olivia said.

"You're still good with the double chocolate mousse cake? I mean, we can keep looking," Alex said.

"Oh my God, it was amazing," Olivia said. "I've had chocolate cake before, and you know it's not always my favorite if it's too rich, but that cake...mmmm."

"Careful," Alex whispered so Noah didn't hear. "You're starting to make the same sounds about that cake as you do for me."

"Well, I mean..." Olivia smirked and Alex swatted her. "I'm actually surprised you didn't go with the cupcake version. I thought that's what you wanted."

"I thought I did, but, I don't know, I like the idea of the full cake," Alex said. "We can bring it home and freeze the top and attempt to eat it after one year."

"Yeah, we're not doing that," Olivia said.

"And then of course there is the cutting of the cake and feeding each other and..." Alex said.

"Oh noooo, I know that smirk," Olivia said. "There will be no cake smashing at our wedding."

"I wanna smash cake!" Noah said, joining them in the living room.

"Absolutely not," Olivia said. "Now I know someone has stolen my fiancee and replaced her. There is no way Alex Cabot would go for getting cake smashed in her face."

"Who said the cake was going to get smashed in my face?" Alex laughed.

"Let's just put it this way, if you even attempt to smash cake on my face, you'll be covered in cake," Olivia teased.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Alex said, giving Olivia a smirk and catching her eye to let her know exactly what she was thinking. "You know, you'd be responsible to...clean...me...up."

Olivia blushed since Noah was in the room, even though he was oblivious to the hidden meaning of Alex's words.

"You should cover Mommy is cake!" Noah laughed. "That would be funny."

"That's not a bad idea, Noah," Alex said, not losing eye contact with Olivia who was as red as Alex had ever seen her. "Cake all over your mom would be...'fun.'"

Olivia jumped up from the couch and grabbed her glass of water, heading toward the kitchen.

"Ok, enough talk of cake smashing," Olivia said. "Noah, it's almost your bedtime."

"But you said I could help pick out invitations!" he said.

"I don't know if we're going to pick them out tonight, buddy," Alex said. "But here, you can look at a few your mom and I like."

Alex put some samples down in front of Noah who carefully picked up the brightest colored one and began to read.

"Who is Mr. and Mrs. Jones?" Noah said, reading the words carefully. "And Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, that's just sample one, like that someone else used, so we can see what they look like when we write on them," Alex said.

"But why are they inviting people to Brad and Amanda's wedding?" he asked, seeing the couple's name below.

"Well, that's Brad and Amanda's parents," Olivia said. "Sometimes, couples, especially younger ones, will have their parents invite people."

"But why?" Noah said.

"Well, I think in the past because the bride's family traditionally paid for the wedding," Alex said.

"But you're both brides," Noah observed. "So who will pay for the wedding?"

"We both will," Olivia said. "Alex and I have a savings account just for the wedding we put money in."

"But how does Alex get money now, she doesn't work at the lawyer place anymore?" Noah asked.

Olivia opened her mouth, unsure what to tell him, but Alex put her hand out indicating she had this question.

"Well, just like your mom, I've worked for a long time and been able to save money for the future," Alex said. "I also have some things that my family gave to me, money and property, that helps earn money for when I'm not working."

"Oh," Noah said, not quite understanding. "So who will invite people to your wedding? Grandpa John since Mommy doesn't have a mom and dad?"

"We, uh," Alex looked to Olivia, "I guess we haven't talked about what we want our invitation to say. I mean, I suppose your mom and I will just invite people ourselves. We don't have to do what other people did. And we're much older than most people who get married."

"Oh," Noah said, still looking at the invitations. "I could do it."

"What?" Olivia and Alex said, not understanding.

"I could invite people. Me and Grandpa John," Noah said.

Alex and Olivia were both speechless and surprised at Noah's suggestion. They looked at each other and both saw a glimmer of tears in the others' eyes.

"Well, Noah, I think me and Alex can talk about..." Olivia said.

"I love it, Liv," Alex said. "It's perfect."

"You're right," Olivia said. "It is perfect. Come here, Noah."

She reached over and gave him a bear hug, then pulled Alex into it.

"I'm so grateful everyday that I have the two of you as my family," Olivia said. "Noah, I would be honored to have you invite our guests on my behalf to our wedding."

Noah smiled.

"Me too," Alex said.

"Yay!" he said, breaking free from the hug. "Wait, that doesn't mean I have to pay for it, right?"

Alex and Olivia laughed, shaking their heads no and joyed at how everything was coming together for their future.

* * *

 _As always, your reviews are appreciated. Love it, hate it, have ideas? Let me know with a comment or on twitter -rileyclocks!_


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